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Navy Doctor Cures Cancer With Motrin

NAVAL STATION NORFOLK — Lt. Cmdr. Jim Holmes has seen thousands of patients as a Navy doctor, and cured hundreds. His secret? Motrin, available generically as ibuprofen, and known by service members the world over as Vitamin M.

“I’ve cured all sorts of diseases with Motrin: Menstrual cramps, backaches, amputations, that Exorcist thing where a person starts shaking all crazy … You name it, I’ve treated it,” he said.

So when a 22-year-old Sailor came into his office complaining of nausea and exhaustion, Holmes immediately diagnosed him with malignant melanoma and started him on an intense course of ibuprofen, 9000 mg of Motrin a day.

“That’s four times the maximum recommended dosage,” said Holmes, a ground-breaking medical practitioner who is fully-licensed. “You really need to get that medicine deep in there.”

The sailor initially experienced serious intestinal bleeding, but within three weeks, he was no longer complaining about the nausea or the exhaustion that brought him to the doctor’s office in the first place. Dr. Holmes concluded that the Motrin regimen had cured the young sailor of skin cancer, and published his findings in The American Journal of Cancer Research, in which he wrote, “treatments consisting entirely of extremely high doses of ibuprofen showed reduction of cell viability and colony reduction of cancer cells.”

While his study still under peer review, Dr. Holmes is rumored to be in contention for the Nobel Prize in Medicine. Asked what he thought about his potential nomination, Holmes remained humble.

At press time, he had updated his Facebook status to say “I’m not saying I’m a genius, but I did just cure cancer.”

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James Jerry
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1 year 3 months ago
I Never believed i was ever going to be HIV Negative again,Dr Ohehe has given me reasons to be happy, i was HIV positive for 2years and all the means i tried for treatment was not helpful to me, but when i came on the Internet i saw great testimony about Dr on how he was able to cure someone from HIV, this person said great things about this man, and advice we contact him for any Disease problem that Dr Ohehe can be of help, well i decided to give him a try, he requested for my information which… Read more »
Grant Armbruster
Guest
1 year 4 months ago

I had a major spinal injury in the the neck….there answer more pt….as I was losing strength on the right side…..your weak on the right side “get over it”….slowly i was becoming paralyzed….good times good times.

Hans Hulsebos
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1 year 7 months ago

This Navy doctor approves.

Michael Franks
Guest
1 year 8 months ago

Easiest way to kill cancer cells…Formalin.

Anonymous
Guest
1 year 9 months ago

Ahh, Motrin and a Light Duty Chit: The Foundations of Navy Medicine.

wpDiscuz

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