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Wolf Blitzer Shot Trying To Infiltrate Gaza Strip In Underground Tunnel

GAZA — Wolf Blitzer, the host of CNN’s “The Situation Room” who is currently reporting from Jerusalem on the conflict between Israel and Hamas, was shot multiple times by unknown assailants during a live broadcast from supposed underground “terror tunnels” in the Gaza strip, sources confirmed.

“HAPPENING NOW, WE’RE TAKING YOU BELOW THE GAZA STRIP FOR AN EXCLUSIVE… LOOK INSIDE THE ‘TERROR TUNNELS’ USED BY HAMAS… MILITANTS,” said Blitzer — using his trademark dramatic pauses — to his viewers, most of whom are still unsure whether he’s yelling or just has a really loud voice.

On an exclusive tour roughly 45 feet below ground, Blitzer, accompanied by the Israeli military, revealed an elaborate tunnel network apparently used by Hamas militants so they could strike inside Israel.

“THIS IS TRULY SOPHISTICATED… UH TUNNELS. YOU GET THE SENSE THAT IT MUST HAVE TAKEN A LONG… TIME, TO BUILD,” Blitzer screamed, or said in his normal voice, depending on whether you had your television volume set to a normal setting or muted. “I THINK I… SEE SOME MOVEMENT UP AHEAD IN THE… UH TUNNEL.”

According to viewers watching the live report, CNN’s camera crew panned into the narrow corridor in front of Blitzer, revealing some movement in the passageway that had been revealed by an IDF soldier’s flashlight.

“IT DEFINITELY LOOKS LIKE THERE’S SOMETHING… UP AHEAD,” Blitzer said, then noting that the dark tunnel suddenly became extremely bright. “IT LOOKS LIKE… GUNFIRE. YES, HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, WE ARE BEING SHOT AT BY HAMAS… MILITANTS.”

A brief gun battle ensued, although CNN decided to cut to a commercial break before showing what came next, sources said.

“WELCOME BACK TO THE SITUATION ROOM, THIS IS WOLF BLITZER. BEFORE WE CONTINUE OUR TOUR OF THE HAMAS TUNNELS, WE’VE JUST RECEIVED BREAKING NEWS NOW, WE STILL ARE NOT SURE WHERE EXACTLY MALAYSIA FLIGHT… 370 WENT DOWN,” Blitzer said, before adding: “HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, I HAVE JUST BEEN SHOT BY… HAMAS MILITANTS.”

At press time, Blitzer had been shot again by Israeli soldiers while escaping back out of the tunnel roughly 900 meters from a kibbutz. The officer in charge insisted they were indeed targeting him.

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Linda Green
Guest
2 years 1 month ago

OK….was he SHOT OR SHOT AT?????????????????? wHAT KIND OF STUPID ENDING OF AN ARTICLE????????

Patrick Logan Reed
Guest
2 years 1 month ago

Finally

LLoyd Red Carroll
Guest
2 years 1 month ago

Holy shit, you mean this is all a joke. You ‘sumbitch’s will get yours sooner or later!!

Avery Dalton
Guest
2 years 1 month ago

Too bad the tunnel did not go back to the CNN Newsroom.

Clay Fisher
Guest
2 years 2 months ago

Oh no! They still haven’t found Flight 370!

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