HomeArmyMissouri National Guard Arrives In Ferguson, Begins Police Call Lee Ho Fuk August 20, 2014 Army 18 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: #453790850 / gettyimages.com FERGUSON, Mo. — Members of the Missouri National Guard who were deployed by the governor arrived on Monday and immediately began to police call spent brass and cigarette butts around the police command center at a nearby mall, Duffel Blog has learned. Local leaders and Guard officials have assured the public that soldiers would only fill this type of limited role. “We’ll continue to ensure a neat and orderly appearance of the command center and nearby areas,” said Guard Capt. William Strothers. “We also have enough paint, rakes, and sand to have a really nice rock garden complete by the time we leave here.” Other Guard duties will include setting up a coffee mess in the command tent and a car wash in order to raise money for the battalion ball held later this year. But not all Guardsmen were excited to hear about their duties. “Well this just totally blows,” said Private First Class Rory Watson, as he dejectedly polished one of his three tactical knives. “I thought we’d be military advisors for the police. You know, like in Iraq. I came here to get some, not sell unit t-shirts to cops.” Still, many soldiers were excited to be deployed to FOB Red’s BBQ in Ferguson. Sgt. First Class Ron Donaldson, who has never deployed prior to events there, is supervising a morale patch design contest with fellow Guardsmen. “This one has Al Sharpton on it,” said Donaldson, showing some of the proposed designs. “Once we settle on a good design we’re going to convince our lieutenant to authorize us to wear it. We’re also going to try and be approved to get a riot suppression badge. Hmmm … badges.” Ferguson police say they are delighted to have the National Guard along side them. “I think it’s great they’re here,” said one officer. “I sure as hell don’t know how to maintain all these surplus tanks and flamethrowers we bought from the military with our end of the year funds.” Quin Ones Esmer Alda says: August 23, 2014 at 8:43 PM It’s been a while since I’ve heard the term, “police call.” Good memories. Brandon Sears says: August 23, 2014 at 11:44 AM National Brandon Sears says: August 23, 2014 at 11:44 AM I think this whole thing.is stupid riot for nothing.and the bational guard called for this situation over something redicous is crazy Jorge DePina says: August 22, 2014 at 12:58 AM After reading this article, all I could think was….WTF!!!!! THE PFC SAYS, “I CAME HERE TO GET SOME”. What a dumbass…..you are in the US not Iraq…..what did you want to get? A dead body count….asshole Erica Moon says: August 21, 2014 at 1:14 AM Al Sharpton on a badge…go beat your face. Sam Wallace says: August 20, 2014 at 11:58 PM Bogus article, sorry I took the time to read it. Jonathan Purcell says: August 20, 2014 at 7:59 PM He wanted to go there to get some? So attack people who are rioting and standing up to bullshit. What a stupid fuck. Anonymous says: August 20, 2014 at 5:43 PM A couple days of SHARP training should get these cops back in proper perspective. Christopher Leete says: August 20, 2014 at 3:28 PM “Hey you, curfew is at 1800, and get your goddamned hands outta your pockets!!” Virgil Horsley says: August 20, 2014 at 12:44 PM Update: SFC Donaldson also put himself in for the Combat Action Badge and Bronze star while part of the command staff occupying FOB Hilton Hotel Jason Williams says: August 20, 2014 at 11:28 AM There’s no mall in Ferguson. Otherwise the story sounds pretty accurate. Caleb Faulkner says: August 20, 2014 at 9:44 AM Even though this is satire, this isn’t funny. The situation in Ferguson isn’t something to be made fun of and make money off of. Leave it alone. Dan Widge says: August 20, 2014 at 8:44 AM I heard that after patrolling all day for 12 hours, the Sergeant Major (who takes naps while the troops are actually working) has them sit through 4 hour lectures on how to fill out NCOER forms and the PT plan for the next week. Tim Morrison says: August 20, 2014 at 8:44 AM I’m most excited about the new rock garden. Mike DeSimone says: August 20, 2014 at 8:44 AM On a more serious note, has anyone else noticed how the guardsmen who are doing the riot shit there are decked out in nothing but flashlights and pepper spray, while the cops look like they’re about to storm Fallujah? Alex Levine says: August 20, 2014 at 6:14 AM DB I thought you were supposed to be satire! Paul Whitfield says: August 20, 2014 at 6:14 AM I believe that allowing the MO National Guard to assist the Ferguson Police to maintain the surplus tanks and flamethrowers they purchased from the military would be a very good secondary mission while they are deployed in the area. A well maintained tank is a happy tank! Randall Nice says: August 20, 2014 at 6:14 AM People say the police are militarized, but I have yet to be ordered to sweep a gravel parking lot or mop a floor with just a towel.