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Sailors In Berthing Capable Of Showering And Doing Laundry Unsupervised

Norfolk, VA — The deck department’s leading petty officer onboard USS Mesa Verde (LPD-19) was proud to announce that everyone in berthing managed to shower and do their laundry without having to be told, sources confirmed this morning.

“I can’t believe it!” said Boatswain’s Mate First Class Dan Nagle. “35 people in the berthing, and they’ve all mastered a task done by most 12-year-olds. This is a proud day for deck department.”

According to sources, the Mesa Verde’s deck department is full of of training school dropouts, screw-ups, and sailors who don’t know how to use a paintbrush.

“Considering the type of people in deck it’s no surprise they don’t know how to use a screwdriver,” Nagle added. “I had to spend weeks teaching them how to clean their bodies, but now that they do, I feel like a proud father watching his son ride a bicycle for the first time.”

Telling reporters that he was glad he didn’t have to watch anyone shower anymore, Seaman Richard Pound explained how this incredible turn of events transpired:

“We had to put people on ordered showers and someone had to watch them. They thought it was completely normal, like you always have someone stare at you while you’re naked. Sometimes Harris would make eye contact and get a chubby.”

The greatest step forward in berthing cleanliness, Pound added, was when Seaman John Harnis was given a dishonorable discharge. Harnis was known to go a month between showers and his laundry was so “vile” that the supply department refused to wash it.

“It was like night and day,” Pound said. “I didn’t know he was kicked until I walked into the berthing. I couldn’t smell him so I knew he was gone.”

Nagle said although he was proud of his gains, there is still a lot of work to be done. “My next challenge,” he said, “is to teach grown men how to flush the toilet.”

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Rachel Söze

We had a guy get kicked out for not bathing…he head a shower log and someone had to observe him every day while he showered. He only had one pair of socks to last the whole deployment and he would spray them with cologne to “mask” the smell.

Clutch Martin

They have to do their own laundering? We had a laundry queen, like a mess cook only in the laundry, on duty. It was nice, drop your bags off. A pack of smokes got everything pressed and folded nice too!

Gregory Gallagher

A seaman shower: two buckets of ice-cold seawater, scouring powder, and a steel sponge. That’s what it took for one dirtbag to get with the “program.” DuffleBlog strikes again, lol.

Benjamin Wilson

I remember my whole company in AIT having to spend an evening learning how to wipe our butts (to conserve TP), basic hygiene (with props), and how to do laundry…

Steve Mills

Brings back memories. Not good ones.


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