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Local Veteran Stunned Not To Receive Discount Today


SCITUATE, Mass. — Matt Lynch, a former Navy P-3 Orion electronics technician, was stunned to walk into the Mill Wharf restaurant today and not receive 15 percent off his lunch, sources confirmed on Monday.

According to witnesses, he was so upset he muttered about the Mill Wharf “hating America,” a charge the restaurant flatly denies.

“We love this country, and we thank troops for their service all the time,” manager Duke Chaisson told Duffel Blog.

“And we give troops and vets discounts on meals and drinks every patriotic holiday: Memorial Day, Flag Day, Fourth of July, Veterans Day, and even Washington’s birthday, because Washington was a veteran and it was a long time without drunk sailors in here if we went from Christmas to Memorial Day with no discount.”

“But Labor Day is not a patriotic holiday.”

Lynch agreed to go on the record with Duffel Blog after hearing Chaisson’s comments.

“That guy sucks,” Lynch said. “I served my country and sweated my ass off keeping those Russian subs the fuck away from his restaurant. Does he not realize that without me and the rest of VP-92, there might be the goddamn Red October tied up at the town pier, and he’s serving goddam borscht!”

Chaisson, who was formerly an Air Force Public Affairs officer, remained adamant about his restaurant’s policy.

“I use the same rule we did: if you could get a taxpayer-funded flyover of some reservist assholes just building flight pay, you can have a discount,” he said, pointing to the sky over the Harbor. “See any reservist assholes?”

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