Coup D’état: Dennis Rodman Takes Over North Korea In Violent Overthrow
PYONGYANG, North Korea — North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has been deposed in a violent overthrow led by Dennis Rodman, the former NBA basketball star who had been serving as Mayor of Pyongyang since earlier this year.
According to two high-level sources, Rodman jailed Jong-un and his top lieutenants before naming himself Supreme Worm of the Democratic People’s Republic Of Korea, Duffel Blog has learned. The sources said that Rodman seized power after he won a game of H-O-R-S-E against the former leader he once called his “best friend.”
“Entire glorious revolution unite behind great and dear leader Dennis Rodman,” read a news release from state-run Korean Central News Agency, which did not have any mention of Kim Jong-un. A search of the archives on KCNA’s website showed his name was removed from previous news stories.
In addition to seizing power in the country, Rodman was spotted drinking absinthe at his new mansion, and he had ordered all men in the country to wear wedding gowns. In a rare mea culpa, intelligence officials admitted they were completely blindsided by the new developments, since CIA was unable to tell Kim Jong-un apart from other Koreans.
The U.S. State Department released a statement saying it was “cautiously optimistic” about the reign of Rodman, a man even weirder than current and former North Korean leaders. Since he once declared himself a bisexual and married himself, foreign policy experts believe Rodman may renew bilateral talks between North Korea and the United States, and join NATO.
Duffel Blog investigative correspondents Drew and Jay-B contributed reporting.