Spouse Accidentally Wins ‘Slutty Sailor’ Costume Contest

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NORFOLK, Va. — A Virginia-based sailor is furious after his wife accidentally won the ship-wide “slutty sailor” costume contest this Halloween, although they were unaware there was a competition taking place, sources confirmed.

The costume contest, held annually for the junior-enlisted members assigned to the USS Abraham Lincoln (CVN-72), has become the centerpiece of weekend celebrations each year.

“At first I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about,” said Seaman Harvey Whitman, from Mobile, Ala. “We walked into the club and everyone started pointing at Kat. I just thought it was because she didn’t have a costume. All the others were dressed up.”

Katrina, a 21-year-old who met Whitman while working at Krispy Kreme after she dropped out of high school when her abortion failed, had actually decided not to wear her usual ‘street-walker’ costume, instead choosing to dress up and impress her husband’s new shipmates.

“We were all crowded around the keg,” said Petty Officer 3rd Class Marcus Detrich. “Most of the ladies were wearing the same tired old stuff. Slutty police officer, skanky bus driver, whorish mechanic, you know the type. Then all of a sudden the doors open, and in walks this girl.”

Detrich used his smartphone to show reporters a photo of the scantily dressed Katrina at the party.

“Look at that! I’ve seen strippers with more clothes on. I think one of her nipples was actually out most of the night. The cut-off midriff shirt really tied the whole thing together. Great costume,” Detrich said, tapping the picture. “This one’s going in the bank, if you know what I mean.”

Still, Whitman didn’t appreciate the attention his wife received.

“I felt really bad showing up without a costume. When they called us up at the end of the night I thought it was to give us a hard time. But that was when they announced she had won with her ‘Supergirl’ outfit. The award was just a giant black dildo with the word SLUT bedazzled on the side.”

He shook his head in disgust, then added: “Those people have no class.”

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