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Veteran-Turned-Waiter Appalled No One Is Thanking Him For His Customer Service

PHILADELPHIA, Pa. — Admitting that he is inconsolably irritated and just doesn’t understand why, numerous sources confirmed that local Applebee’s waiter Samuel Higgins has not yet once been thanked for his customer service early Sunday.

Higgins, 23, a Philadelphia native and Air Force veteran, is reportedly drowning in a flood of ingratitude and Spinach & Artichoke Dip as he haplessly struggles to upright his self-respect along with two teetering serving trays in either hand.

“You know, I just wish people knew what we in the service industry go through every day,” says Higgins. “It’s not easy to take orders and execute them under stress in a timely and reliable manner, day in and day out.

“Not everyone is cut out for this line of work,” he adds over the resounding smash of china, as table four’s “2 for $20” lunch leaves his hand and crashes to the floor.

Regular patrons report that the perpetually surly Higgins is more cantankerous than usual, no doubt a result of everyone’s inexplicable failure to express recognition for his fumbled orders, snarky demeanor and suffocating sense of entitlement for “actually having done something with [his] life.”

Indeed, coworkers agree that Higgins might just be one conniption away from “completely losing his shit.”

“I mean, I know he was just a supply clerk and never deployed outside of the United States,” confides Higgins’ shift manager, Mary Kent, “but I’m pretty sure those guys still get PTSD.”

“Only 15 percent?” Higgins cries incredulously, waving his paltry tip in a customer’s face. “You know, we civilians don’t get a housing allowance like those pampered flyboys. And they get thanked for their service all the time.”

“I’ll tell you what, though,” says Higgins. “Veterans’ Day is the absolute worst.”

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Michael Hasbun

In fairness, wait staff comprise less than 1% of the population as well 😉

Despite it being satire, I’m glad that the military propensity for self entitlement and delusion of grandeur is finally ok to talk about…

Kelli Couch

Many Americans have a false belief that all military members serve with a sense of duty and passion. DB shows, with satire, that this isn’t the case. The military is nothing more than a cross-section of society, so it has examples of every type of person. Some folks are decent and hardworking, others are slobs, and some are just downright nasty. That’s life. 🙂 I love DB, I check out the site everyday for a good laugh.

Allen Everett Richards

I know something about this as I took a job waiting tables after I got out. Most of my old friends figured it had to be related to PTSD. Despite my pleas of denial. I kept telling everyone that I never saw combat and was stationed in Hawaii. No one would believe me. The upside is that they all tipped heavy as they walked out of the restaurant shaking their heads repeatedly saying “ain’t a shame, he showed such promise in High School” So at least the money was good.

William Frederick Gabrielli III

I love how people think these are real. They are duffle blog people it’s all fake story’s to get a rize out of people. The funny part is the comments from the idiots who think there is a non deployed airman getting money from PTSD.

Robert Duncan

He said he only wanted the tip.


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