Navy Quietly Scuttles Bill Cosby Sexual Assault Prevention Video

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of a series of shocking rape allegations against comedian and Navy veteran Bill Cosby, the U.S. Navy has quietly killed plans to have Cosby help make a video on the importance of preventing sexual assault.

The Navy’s Sexual Assault Prevention & Response (SAPR) Task Force says the video would have featured Cosby using his trademark style of humor to advise sailors on how to avoid situations that could either be perceived as or lead to sexual assault, such as having non-consensual sex with an unconscious woman in a hotel room or forcing someone to perform oral sex on you backstage on the Tonight Show.

Cosby would have appeared with a former Midshipman who was charged with drugging and sexually assaulting one of his fellow classmates at the Naval Academy, but unlike Cosby, lacked the star power to crush the allegations.

The video had the working title of “What I Learned In The Navy,” and would have been part of the Navy’s fiscal year 2015 SAPR program. Officials in the Navy’s SAPR Task Force say the video has not been canceled, but is being rewritten with a more appropriate spokesman, such as CeeLo Green or Nicholas Lord.

Cosby served four years in the Navy from 1956-1960, which he called “my wake-up call about responsibility.” As a Hospital Corpsman drugging Marine officer candidates at Quantico, he learned valuable pharmaceutical skills that would serve him well later in life. He was on several of the Navy’s athletic teams, including baseball, although teammates noted a now-troubling obsession with always getting to third base.

He also played football for the Navy, and his abilities and personal conduct are reverently mirrored even today by the Naval Academy’s Midshipmen football team.

Cosby personally credited the Navy for transforming him from an aimless and uneducated boy into a man with drive and discipline. “I was different from a lot, but the same, as an awful lot of sailors,” Cosby used to say about the period just five years before his first alleged sexual assault.

Even later in life his Navy training would always show: his alleged victims have testified how he always managed to leave the bed sheets tight enough to flip a quarter off of.

“Every choice that I made was because of those four years,” Cosby boasted when he was made an honorary chief petty officer by Navy Secretary Ray Mabus in 2011, at a public ceremony that will in no way haunt the Secretary for the rest of his career.

Some Navy officials are now questioning the wisdom of this honorary promotion, suggesting that giving anyone that level of authority and power would naturally turn them into a power-mad sexual carnivore.

The Navy has refused to release any sort of public statement on what it called “a private matter.” However behind the scenes the service  has moved to cut all ties with Cosby, including revoking his Navy Good Conduct Medal and complimentary lifetime supply of chloroform.