Drunk Sailor On Liberty Pretty Sure He Can ‘Climb That Fucker’
SIHANOUKVILLE, Cambodia — An intoxicated U.S. Navy Seabee currently on liberty with three of his shipmates in downtown Sihanoukville is reportedly taking bets at this hour on whether he can scale a dangerously overtaxed 20-foot power pole located on a busy downtown street corner.
“Hey, how much you chodes want to bet I can’t climb that fucker?” Equipment Operator 3rd Class Blake Mechal of Navy Mobile Construction Battalion (NMCB) 1 was overheard asking his cohorts, as the foursome made their way back from a local restaurant to the battalion’s hotel.
“Because I’m pretty sure I can do it,” Mechal, who sources said consumed seven bottles of Angkor Beer and a shot of whiskey over dinner, continued. “Climb that bitch all the way to the top.”
Mechal’s fellow Seabees say they have been repeatedly declining to accept Mechal’s wager due to the precarious nature of the pole, which they say sports a loudly-buzzing cylindrical power transformer at the top, numerous tangled telephone lines, a “metric fuck ton” of live wires, and what appears to be at least one active hornet nest.
“Blake’s done some crazy shit before, but this just looks like an all-around bad idea,” said Builder 3rd Class Taylor Breen, one of Mechal’s liberty buddies. “He can get a little ‘Johnny Knoxville’ when he’s been drinking, but hopping on that pole would be insane.”
“That’s what your grandma said last night!” Mechal could then be heard slurring in the background.
“No, seriously,” Breen continued, “not even Blake at his shittiest would be that crazy. Us Seabees may be all about ‘Can Do!’, but we’re not that stupid.”
UPDATE: Since this story first appeared, Mechal has been taken to Sihanoukville International Clinic, where he is under sedation and being treated for third degree burns while reportedly mumbling, “Suck it, whores.”