To Top

Combat Artist Fired For Drawing Too Much Penis

Quantico, Va. — Marine Cpl. Willie Dix was relieved of his duties as a combat artist by the National Museum of the Marine Corps last week after he returned from Afghanistan and produced nothing but 2,500 hand drawings of engorged erections, sources confirmed.

“His work output was nothing but dick, dick, dick, dick, dick,” said one museum official. “We’re looking to document the war experience as seen through the artist’s tactical as well as visual eye. This was just an avalanche of cock.”

Fellow Marines speculate Dix’s unhealthy phallus fascination could possibly be traced back to an incident which occurred during his last deployment. While embedded with 1st Battalion, 2nd Marines, Dix was locked into a porta-john for over 30 hours as a practical joke that went awry.

“He just wasn’t the same after that,” said Sgt. Bill Gibbs, a squad leader in 1/2. “We really don’t know what happened in there but it must have been totally fucked up.”

Dix has since been diagnosed with a porta-traumatic stress injury which military psychiatrists feel is the source of his obsessive compulsive need to draw raging hard-ons.

“The amount of visual detail is really quite impressive,” said Cmdr. Rick Swells, a Navy clinical psychologist, while leafing through some of Dix’s work. “Look how the shadows play across the veins on this one. It’s a magnificent hog. I think I’ll frame it.”

Although Cpl. Dix will likely be medically separated due to his disability, there is hope he will turn his experience into an edgy comic strip about enlisted Marine life and over-sized hand drawn genitalia.

When asked for comment, Cpl Dix only said: “Cock! Balls!”

Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
David May

That’s a damn shame. On the plus side, he’ll be the go to guy whenever someone passes out at a party.

David Neaves

You really should identify your work as satire. Especially when it isn’t funny.

Dave Walsh

As a follow-up to the story, CMDR Swells is resigning his commission and requesting reassignment to the 1st Battalion, 2nd Marines as their Corpsman.

William Carpenter

Has anyone had the misfortune to actually look at what’s drawn on the walls of these porta-johns? If I were locked in one for 30 hours, I’d be f*cked up, too. My tender, artistic psyche! (sigh)

Alex Dillard Klaus

I always wondered if comic/marine artist James O’Barr had this condition.


More from Marine Corps