Veterans Threaten Michael Moore Over Cartoon Depicting Chris Kyle

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FLINT, Mich. — Veterans are threatening violence and murder over a satirical cartoon of American Sniper author Chris Kyle drawn by film director Michael Moore, according to chatter on veteran message boards reviewed by Duffel Blog.

Moore’s illustration, which he released on Twitter, displays Chris Kyle shooting a crippled Iraqi girl in the back as he gives Uncle Sam a handjob on a pile of dollar bills.

“You just can’t question a war hero like Chris Kyle, or the book he wrote to glorify himself, or the movie made by a Hollywood star interpreting that book,” said former Navy SEAL Tom Lancer in one of several hundred “open letters” to Michael Moore. “You have no right to voice an opinion against any of us who defend the Constitution and its immutable freedoms.”

Comments by other veterans range from, “I will beat your ass, Michael Moore,” to “Watch ur back, I’m a sniper.”

Michael Moore, who is currently teaching a military history class on Rules of Engagement at the University of Michigan, said that he never intended to insult Kyle.

“What I posted was a drawing of the sniper that killed my grandfather,” tweeted Moore. Snipers have joined the long list of Moore’s enemies, as his other grandfather was killed by a nutritionist, and his childhood border collie was run over by a logician.

Actor Seth Rogen added thoughtfully to the dialogue. “Michael Moore’s cartoon reminded me of the time your mom gave me and Chris Kyle a handjob,” tweeted Rogen. When thousands responded angrily to his comments, Rogen was surprised. “I said it reminded me of your mom’s handjob, not that it was an accurate depiction. Sheesh,” he replied.

A group of concerned locals from Dearborn, Michigan have already foiled a veteran extremist plot to execute Moore and his colleagues. In response, the citizens of Nigeria gathered by the millions to support the cause of American freedoms and the sanctity of life, as well as sending relief money and armed security guards.

Moore seemed pleased by the threats. “I’m glad I can incite so much anger from people who claim not to care what I think, especially after I have been irrelevant for almost a decade.”

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