Army Recognizes Dedicated Soldier As Meat Gazer Of The Year

Urinalysis Specimen Bottle
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JOINT BASE MYER-HENDERSON HALL, Va. — Sgt. Maj. of the Army Daniel A. Dailey recognized Sgt. James McBray of 1st Brigade, 10th Mountain Division, as the 2015 Meat Gazer of the Year, the Army announced Monday.

“I’ve never seen a soldier get after meat gazing with the personal courage and never-quit attitude that McBray embodies,” Dailey said. “McBray’s execution of the locker room casual glance technique (LRCGT) has inspired a new field manual on the subject.”

Dailey went on to cite McBray’s intrepid service as a urinalysis observer. “McBray lives the Army Values by always directly observing the voiding of urine into the specimen bottle at a distance of no more than 6 inches, in accordance with Appendix E, Army Regulation 600–85.”

“McBray is a consummate pro,” said Spc. Chardee Diaz, the 2014 Meat Gazer of the Year who was present for the ceremony and delivered the invocation. “McBray’s Google Hangouts seminar on peripheral vision was seminal and a field game-changer. Let us pray.”

His recognition did not come without controversy. According to one soldier close to McBray, he apparently spends way too much time at the gym shower just “dong ogling,” leading his skin to look like it’s made of prunes.

When reached for comment about the award, McBray was confused, argumentative, and responded in classic meat-gazer fashion: “I don’t stare at cocks. I like chicks, man.”

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