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Seabee Can Fix Anything But Broken Heart


PORT HUENEME, Calif. – Seabee Brian Dennis, 26, assigned to Naval Mobile Construction Battalion 25, has shown that he is capable of fixing everything except his relationship.

“I thought things were going good with Amber,” Dennis told Duffel Blog while sullenly cutting a 2×4 into 2 inch pieces for no discernable reason. “I tuned up her car, helped patch the walls before she moved from her last apartment.  But now she told me that she’s wants to be single for the deployment. She won’t even text me back.”

Dennis, 26, of Arden Hills, Minn., is awaiting certification for an upcoming mobilization to Afghanistan as a Builder 3rd  Class. He and Amber had been in a relationship for over a year.

Dennis, who had shown exemplary leadership as part of a landing pad leveling and grading mission during a recent construction support mission to the Philippines did not seem to have noticed that by calling at least three times a day while simultaneously forgetting her birthday, he had effectively leveled his chances of making it work with Amber.

Witnesses report Dennis was seen pleading outside of Amber’s barracks with a bookshelf he had constructed for her out of particular board found in the class 4 yard under the false hope that it would win her back.

“Brian is everything you want in a teammate,” Petty Officer 1st Class Chris Kowalski, Dennis’ immediate supervisor, reported. “He can always do more with less. What he hasn’t figured out is that there couldn’t be any less of that relationship to work with.”

Dennis’s hard work and dedication had been pivotal in the unit’s train up preparing for deployment.

“As a Naval Reservist, Dennis brings a lot of skills to the table. His civilian experience with [local engineering firm] Kemp Associates, his volunteer work with the Arden Hills Fire Department have all been instrumental. Of course that didn’t keep him from crashing and burning with Amber.”

Duffel Blog has discovered that Amber is Petty Officer 3rd Class Amber Nelson, a construction mechanic from Redwing, Minn. Amber declined to be interviewed for this story but denied all rumors that she’s been texting with a Marine.

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