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Army Too Busy To Play Navy This College Football Season


WEST POINT, N.Y. — With college football season drawing near, the United States Military Academy at West Point has released its schedule for the 2015 season without including any games against the United States Naval Academy at Annapolis for the first time in 85 years.

West Point has claimed that the arrangement was an oversight, having accidentally booked a game against ITT Technical Institute for the same weekend the Navy was expecting to play.

Army coach Jeff Monken seemed excited as he explained his plans to Duffel Blog. “So maybe we can’t fit Navy into our schedule, but we do have a scrimmage scheduled with a team of employees from Old Navy over in Mohegan Lake. Loser has to buy Orange Julius for everybody.”

Navy coach Ken Niumatalolo was surprised. “Our schedule still says we’re playing those goobers on December 12th. The boys always look forward to beating the Army, and I don’t know how they’re going to take the news that we’re gonna play a real team now.”

Niumatalolo paused. “Or maybe we’ll take a page from West Point’s playbook and replace the date with a game against Devry University Online.”

Monken doesn’t think the break with tradition will mean any more bad luck for West Point than usual. “I’m telling you, my Black Knights intend to finish a record fantasy football season online, and we’re looking forward to our real-life match-ups against the Doodletown Volunteer Fire Department and the Haldane High School varsity team.”

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