Recruit Skeptical Of Drill Instructor’s Claim To Have ‘More Games Than Milton Bradley’
PARRIS ISLAND, S.C. — Following an afternoon of repeatedly running over here now, now running back over there now, now running back over here now, Marine Corps recruit Eric Rugg has expressed skepticism about his drill instructor’s claims to have “more games than Milton Bradley,” sources say.
“Milton Bradley’s created nearly five hundred games since 1860. I find it hard to believe that Sergeant Nielsen has more games than that,” whispered a nervous Rugg after lights out. “We’ve played ten at best, over and over.”
Nielsen is well known among the drill instructor community for his creativity with games, the most popular being “Recruit Centipede,” where recruits form a circle in the squad bay and plank, nose to butt, while he calmly reads a Golf Digest in the center until their arms give out. He also developed “Sugar Cookies,” where recruits cover their faces in sunscreen and dip them in the I.T. sand pit, a dozen at a time.
According to Rugg these are not real games because Nielsen has never produced dice, cards or game boards for the recruits.
“Plus, no one ever really wins,” Rugg said.
“I have a little rust on my rifle and it’s ‘Oh good! Oh good! You want to play games? I’ve got more games than Milton Fucking Bradley!'” griped Rugg, quietly imitating Nielsen while marching to Sunday church service, “but then he just rips my bunk apart and screams some more.”
“Milton Bradley himself would not consider that a game, I just know it.”
Asked for comment, Nielsen issued the following statement:
“Aghhhhhhh! Recruit Rugg! Get the ever-loving fuck over here Rugg! Aghhhhhhhhhhh! Recruit, I will rip your stupid head off and shit down your neck!”