FORT LEONARD WOOD, Mo. — Sources say Pfc. Ashlee Gibbons has found a unique way to celebrate her first M-9 pistol qualification — by getting two ornately decorated Beretta tattoos inked onto her hips aiming towards her lady parts, each shooting out an Eagle, Globe and Anchor.
“It’s a permanent reminder when I look down there that I can shoot a pistol now, that I’m a Marine, and also that, hey, guess what, I’ve got a bajingo, too,” said Gibbons, currently a student at Military Police School.
The tattoos were done off-base by Leroy "Skidmarkz" Skidmore at Electric Krayon Studios following careful research and several shots of 99 Bananas. Gibbons considered the other reliable option, One-Eyed Blue Monkey Tattooing, but noted they were booked solid.
"It was 1:45AM on a Saturday so all my other classmates were waiting in line for their cursive 'Semper Fi's," Gibbons said. "I should have known to call ahead."
Back on base at the Specker Area smoke pit fellow students gathered around, excitedly asking to see the new ink. Gibbons said she thought it was "great to have brothers-in-arms who support a fellow Marine's self-expression and pride," though not everyone felt the same way.
"That tattoo is dumb as shit. Typical moto-wookie stuff," said disgruntled Lance Cpl. Jared Elkins. "How come nobody cares about my new tat?"
Despite protests, Elkins then hiked up his silkies and peeled back the bandages on his groin area to show off a fresh MP tattoo; a long baton running down the inside of his leg with "Get back! Get back!" in Comic Sans along the handle.