U.S. Air Force Sells A-10s to ISIS
RAMADI, IRAQ — The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) received twelve A-10 Thunderbolt II aircraft this morning, as the U.S. Air Force divests itself of the venerable attack jet.
“I’ve flown the A-10 my entire career,” said Air Force Chief of Staff General Mark Welsh, “so I’m well aware how hard our Air Force has tried to kill this aircraft over the past few decades. But by selling all 300 A-10s to ISIS, we can fund the purchase of one, possibly even two more F-35s.”
Abu Sayaaf al-Ramadi, a local ISIS warlord, spoke highly of the deal.
“Praise Allah! We now have the finest close air support aircraft in the world! Excellent loiter time, superb visibility, and man, can it take a beating!” al-Ramadi said.
Al-Ramadi continued, “And let’s not forget the best part … BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!”
An analyst from Jane’s Information Group initially suspected ISIS would purchase Super Tucano aircraft from Brazil, or perhaps even Textron’s new Scorpion attack jet.
“But then the Air Force decided to sell off the A-10,” the analyst said. “Quite frankly, they’d be a fool not to purchase what is, without a doubt, the best close air support aircraft in the world.”
Some military experts criticized the deal at the Facebook page “Save The A-10,” but Welsh dismissed their claims.
“I hate to see the A-10 go,” Welsh said, “but the only other alternative was to give the A-10 to the Army, and we simply can’t let this aircraft fall into the wrong hands.”