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Poll: Support for another Crusade at highest level since 14th century

VATICAN CITY — For the first time in seven centuries, support for a new Crusade topped all other economic, religious, and foreign policy concerns, according to yesterday’s Vatican/CNN survey of “self-identified” Christians in Europe and the United States.

Nearly 95 percent of respondents reported that they “strongly supported” the building of an army to place the entirety of modern day Israel, Jordan, Syria, and Lebanon under the banner of the Holy See. Those polled indicated that though they “sort of” enjoyed the basic tenets of democracy, the terror attacks in Belgium made them willing to cede all political and military power to the Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Pope Francis.

Though enthusiasm for a new Crusade is exceptionally high, some Vatican historians wonder whether those survey were a bit overzealous.

“We’ve tried this before and it didn’t go all that great in the grand scheme of things,” noted Cardinal Carlo Vigano. “If you don’t believe me, just Google the word ‘Saladin.'”

The poll also indicated that many Europeans would be willing to enlist in either the Knights Templar or the Order of the Holy Sepulchre, should the Vicar of Jesus Christ (Pope Francis) give his blessing for yet another Crusade. Belgian Alex Moreau noted that “rage and fine beer” would provide “ample sustenance” should he join a Christian Army tasked with burning a trail of his Almighty glory across any number of Muslim countries.

Even war-weary American citizens appear willing to personally back another military engagement in the region.

Chris Dunham, a 30-year-old consultant living in Boston, is no exception.

“So what, I haven’t been to Mass since I got married 5 years ago, but I’m still a Catholic. I will always fight for a good cause,” said Dunham, who failed to join any branch of the U.S. armed forces after 9/11, adding that: “Hell, I’ve already changed my Facebook profile picture to show the Belgian national colors.”

Though the poll did not survey individuals living in the Middle East, Duffel Blog correspondents spoke with residents to gauge their reactions.

“Another military intervention?” Iraqi shopkeeper Abu al-Mansour jokingly asked. “I can’t wait. Just don’t pussy foot around with all that counterinsurgency stuff this time. Those ISIS guys are real assholes.”

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Member
6 months 2 days ago

A more appropriate Crusade reference might have been Louis IX. That was an example of a great idea goiing antarctic.

mw775
Member
mw775
6 months 3 days ago

Get a life John Haley. This is SATIRE. And the joke should be on us. After all, “we” elected the founder of this feast twice. UNLESS, your response is also SATIRE.
I thought is was great and exquisitely well timed. DuffleBlog continues to rock.

Member
6 months 3 days ago
I can’t speak for Haley, but my concern here is that lately the Duffleblog has been drifting somewhat left-wing. It’s like the writers are trying out for the new version of SNL or want jobs at MSNBC. It’s the fear of a defensive war reacting to the attacks turning into a crusade which is the joke at this point. It boils down to being that peasant in Monty Python’s Holy Grail whining about being oppressed because he’s taking the medieval political system out of it’s context and judging it as though it were modern. Besides, the first crusade was successful.… Read more »
Member
6 months 4 days ago
Total misfire. Whole subject of Islamic terror and reaction to it not funny when the joke is on us, the terrorized, as it is here. Also, presuming the Crusades to be just something stupid or wrong is, well, so simplistic as to be repellently stupid. Third, timing, always important in humor, is a bit off given the concurrent Brussels attacks. And the Saladin reference, with the clear implication that a Western military action would be a disastrous failure? Please, see Ibn Warraq on that (Sir Walter Scott’s CRUSADES and other Fantasies) All these reasons, plus the more-political-than-military thrust of this… Read more »
Member
6 months 2 days ago

I was just watching a bunch of Germans at the pre-lent festival in Cologne talking like this. But that was a crusade in Germany.

Member
6 months 3 days ago
Apparently, you failed to pay attention in geography or civics. For one, Brussels is a city in Belgium, which is in Europe. Belgium is its very own country, which is not by any stretch of the imagination part of the United States. Second, the United States is not in Europe, it’s in North America. Finally, it was a funny article. You apparently also failed to show up for history class in not recognizing the Saladin reference. Parents, do ensure that your children actually attend and learn from their classes in school. It helps accomplish that goal when you don’t repeatedly… Read more »
Member
6 months 3 days ago
Well, that was a decidedly personal and ugly reply, that much is clear. Nothing else in it is. Your mini-diatribe begins and ends with naked insults, no content there beyond ugliness. Between those are three parts, criticism (unexplained) of my grasp of geography, accusation (wrong) of my “not recognizing the Saladin reference”, and a bland statement that the article was funny, too. What is all this about geography? I just reviewed my post and there is nothing in it about where Brussels, Belgium, or the United States is. You went a long way for that straw man. Are you inferring… Read more »
Member
6 months 3 days ago
And so, yet another fool objects to an image that they never read the profile of. Here are a few lessons, first, if Australia, China, Japan or any European nation suffer an attack, that is not an attack upon the United States of America, an sovereign nation. Second, my profile plainly states, yes, that is indeed my mug, but also that it was taken while I was deployed in defense of this educationally failing nation – during a rather nasty sandstorm. So, yes, it’s a funny article, said from a US Army veteran that still retains a shred of a… Read more »
Member
6 months 3 days ago
Even an isolationist should feel something for the headless limbless bodies lying in pools of blood in Belgium. And as for the headwear, I understand the practicality of it, but it was your choice to put it up as your profile pic. That means something. And you are still with the straw man geographic attack. I never said the Brussels attack was an attack on the US, but one more reason it is so silly of you to read that in and criticize me for it, is the repeated assertions of these same terrorists that the US is not so… Read more »
Member
6 months 3 days ago
There is a concept that one just comprehend here, one that you’ve missed; national sovereignty. Each of the nations, Belgium included, are sovereign nations. While one can mourn harm suffered by the people of that sovereign nation, one should not heed the drum beats of war thumped by those who proclaim unity that does not exist. One does not disparage the rights guaranteed in one’s Constitution, the very foundation of one’s society and nation, over the tragedies within those sovereign nations. One should also realize, freedom is a risk filled set of liberties, trading one liberty weakens all, suborning a… Read more »
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