Journalist who fired AR-15 bazooka awarded National Defense Service Medal

AR15

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A journalist from the New York Daily News has been awarded the National Defense Service Medal in recognition of his honorable service during a time of crisis, a Pentagon spokesperson announced today.

The recipient will also be eligible to receive disability compensation from the Department of Veterans Affairs within the next decade.

Gersh Kuntzman, a veteran journalist of 30 years, put down the pen to take up the sword on Wednesday, traveling from New York to Philadelphia to experience the thrill of firing a military-grade weapon similar to the one used in the Orlando terror attack.

Kuntzman’s battle-weary, critically-acclaimed memoir, “What is it like to fire an AR-15? It’s horrifying, menacing and very, very loud,” quickly gained widespread acclaim, including the notice of many active-duty service members, who lauded his steadfast heroics.

“We here in the Department of Defense are in awe of Mr. Kuntzman’s martial prowess and noble sacrifice to this nation,” said Lt. Col. Patricia Green, a Pentagon spokesperson. “Shooting an AR-15 is exactly the same as being in combat, as evidenced by Mr. Kuntzman’s self-diagnosed PTSD.”

The AR-15 assault bazooka is the civilian counterpart to the military’s M4A1 bazooka. The shoulder-fired weapon is renowned for its crippling recoil and deafening boom, leading many bazooka enthusiasts to train their children from an early age to develop the tolerance required to handle such a mighty instrument of destruction.

However, despite extensive exposure to the bazooka, many service members are haunted by the trauma using such a weapon bears, and relive the same horrors enumerated by Kuntzman – namely, anxiety and irritability.

“I’ll never forget the first time I fired my bazooka in combat,” said Lee Morgan, a former soldier who deployed three times in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. “The screams of all my dying friends plague my nightmares, but mostly I hear gunfire.”

“It’s very, very loud,” he added. “It sounds like a freakin’ cannon.”

Kuntzman could not be reached for comment, but was last seen boarding a trebuchet bound for New York City.


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32 Comments

  1. Please let me point out what my wife said….
    1) Dont call him a pussy or a woman. I have fired the AR and the .308 and I didnt go crying in my ‘safe place’.

    2) If you revoke his man card dont send him to the women for a new card…we dont recruit pansies. Send him to another gender.

  2. Kuntzman meant his original article to make fun of those who oppose his views, particularly service women and men. His apology rings hollow. He and his friends are having a good laugh over his article and the response.

  3. Come on folks, the guy does have Kunt in his name, did anyone really think he had his man card?

  4. Kuntzmans picture will now be found under “Sissy Mary” in the Dicktonary.
    Damn man, grow a pair or fling yourself off a high rooftop and end your panty waste misery for the good of humanity.

  5. Bruised his shoulder? Explosions sounded like a bomb? Terrifying? PTSD – Pretty Timid Sorryassed Dickhead. I would consider that long-term in his case. If an AR-15 bruised his shoulder and sounded like a bomb, my .45 Circuit Judge would blow his eardrums out and knock him on his ass. He claimed that he has shot pistols before. Cannot imagine what kind. My .22 WMR Accelerator would at the very least make him piss in his Pampers. Does he have a clue as to how many people are laughing at him?

  6. Instead of a bronze star for a second award on his NDSM perhaps the pentagon can award him a snowflake.

  7. I believe KUNTzman is in line to receive his NDSM 2nd award with snowflake device for his second article, “To gun lovers, you can’t even have an opinion on assault rifles — unless it’s theirs. Here’s the proof.” I’ve been notified that he will also be eligible through the VA for gender reassignment surgery, as he apparently chose to act like a pussy in the first writing, and admits he identifies as a woman in the second article.

  8. How many have fired with one hand? My daughters qualified DCM with a M1 Garand before they were 18. Women have been qualifying with M16 type weapons since the 1960’s so I say this reporter needs to find a woman to protect him & maybe carry his balls for him.

  9. This is really funny, too bad it is over the heads of so many. I’m astounded by the number of people commenting who don’t get that this is a joke

    • I saw right off they were making a joke, it just wasn’t funny…none of it. Does that make me a dick?

  10. If he thought the AR-15 bazooka was loud, good thing he didn’t fire off the AR-15 bazooka mortar gun rocket howitzer. Now that thing is loud!

  11. Epic Blunder, I am a bestselling humorist, and I am humbled by your talent. That’s the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever read.

  12. Shouldn’t his NDSM have the Golden Snowflake device for “conspicuous gallantry in abandoning his safe space” in performance of his duties?

  13. FIRST, Ohmar use a SIGSAUR not an AR15,Second a Bazooka is a ROCKET launcher, Third, he wrote the worst liberal biased crap about a weapon with THREE pounds of recoil. They are not loud. He was wearing ear protection, His article was trash. Specifically written to try to embarrass guns and their owners. An utter failure. and poorly written.

  14. We havent used bazookas in a long time. This is the worst article Ive heard on this yet. Bazooka. That thing is a pea shooter. Try its bigger cousins.

  15. When I read his original story I just knew, “I smell a Pulitzer.” It smelled something like the “sulfur” the author smelled after shooting the AR-15 bazooka.

  16. he has broken new york law by traveling to another state for the purpose of firing a weapon of mass destruction! will he be put on a WATCHLIST?

    • No Ex, journalists are exempted due to their courageous actions which place them in danger of losing their lives in just such events as this.

  17. He should be awarded the Purple Pancreas for that shoulder bruise, hearing loss and PTSD related anxiousness and irritabilty.

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