Turkish soldiers pissed they have to work this weekend

ISTANBUL – Turkish soldiers and airmen are furious after being called in this weekend to overthrow their elected government, sources report.

“President Erdogan has been an asshole for years,” Capt. Mehmet Ahmet told Duffel Blog via Skype from an F-16 cockpit. “But these jerks pick the weekend of my sister’s bridal shower to finally knock him out? It’s bullshit.”

Senior officials in the Turkish military have been quick to defend their actions, however.

“We took our motto from the U.S. Army National Guard: ‘Always Ready, Always There,’” Gen. Alpaslan posted online.

“We’re trying to live up to that saying and embrace the Turkish warrior ethos. Besides, as General Dempsey once told me, it’s not possible to overstress your troops.”

Junior soldiers have mixed feelings on their command’s decision.

“We spent all day Friday cleaning and maintaining our tanks since our sergeant told us we’d get off early if they were sparkling clean,” Pvt. Emre Adem said. “He lied. But at least our tanks actually work for once.”

“I don’t get the rush though,” he added, “America’s just going to make awkward press releases and watch us take power anyways.”


Can you help us? We aren't some gigantic media corporation. Duffel Blog is literally just one guy editing a bunch of articles written by military contributors — all on a shoestring budget. If you love what we do, please donate a few bucks to keep our doors open. Even the smallest amount is a big help.

Nine dead at Pokemon Gym located in Sergeant Major’s parking spot

Report: Grown men who defend country spend all day looking for Pokémon