Marine Special Operators get a codpiece

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CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — The Marine Corps has announced the authorization of an “extra very special insignia” MARSOC operators will be able to wear “in order to make POGs understand more clearly that they just don’t rate,” according to Maj. Gen. Carl E. Mundy III, command of Marine Special Operations Command (MARSOC).

The insignia, the first Marine Corps-only uniform device, features a large gold codpiece that attaches to the crotch of the uniform trousers to accentuate the genital area. Written across the front of the codpiece is the MARSOC motto: “Prima Nocte.”

MARSOC spokesman Capt. Barry Morris said, “The creation of this device grants Raiders a visual certification of their critical role in making all other service members feel less critical in their daily tasks and duties.”

“It’s critically important we call attention to our phallic areas to loudly proclaim our operators as quiet professionals,” said Mundy. “This badge will distinguish special operations forces-qualified Marines, recognizing them as an operator with critical skills, like bow hunting skills, nun-chuck skills, computer hacking skills. We only want operators with great critical skills.”

The decision to authorize a completely unnecessary device was part of a bold move for the Marine Corps to access DoD overcompensation funding which until now had only been available to elite SEAL teams of Naval Special Warfare Command.

In response to MARSOC dipping into their funding, the SEALs are considering increasing the size of their special warfare insignia by a full one quarter inch.

“No way we’ll let a bunch of jarheads overcompensate better than us,” said Rear Adm. Tim Szymanski, commanding officer of Naval Special Warfare Command. “This will show them!”

Joint Special Operations Command did not respond to a request for comment, as everyone had reported to the nearest restroom to measure each other’s dicks.