National Security Agency unveils classified dating app: ‘StripR’

NSA Gen. Keith Alexander
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FORT MEADE, Md. —The National Security Agency has announced their latest tech innovation, a dating app which runs on classified networks named StripR.

Developers explained that many agency analysts work all day in secure buildings and cannot use regular websites or apps to arrange local hook-ups. StripR’s creators hope to “spread the love to intelligence analysts, cyber-warriors, and even lonely janitors within the NSA.”

The app is similar to existing apps such as Tinder™. But instead of swiping left or right, users can choose to insert their CAC card if they are attracted to a potential date.

“You have to slide it in quick before someone else gets in there,” Army Lt. John Rawlings explained. “There’s still some bugs to work out with the app though.’

“Pulling out doesn’t always work.”

Despite the bugs, NSA test users are raving about the app.

“It’s a huge morale boost,” data analyst Jimmy Tobin said.  “I monitor 2,000+ dick pics a day and it’s about time I can send a few of my own.”

Tobin’s co-workers confirmed that Tobin has been happier and more productive since the app was unveiled.

“He’s always at his desk with the lights off so he can focus now,” Tobin’s supervisor said. “Jimmy must be pushing for a promotion and he’s well on his way to earning it.”

“Thank for the interview but I gotta run,” Tobin said. “I keep getting bites from hot single Russian chicks in my area!”

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