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Defense industry looking forward to next president starting World War III

WASHINGTON — Despite the controversy and polarization of this year’s election cycle, U.S. military members and defense industry officials are hopeful that no matter which candidate is elected President, he or she will have their best interests at heart, sources tell Duffel Blog.

Whether Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump ends up in the White House, many say, unending global warfare should continue to ensure the job security of servicemembers, civilians, and contractors alike. Some experts even predict a state-on-state war with another major power “like in the good old days.”

“Obama had us worried for a while because relations with China and Russia were really cooling off,” said Lionel Snead, a defense industry expert. “Luckily both candidates seem willing to escalate a bit.”

The enthusiasm is especially high within America’s nuclear community, which may see its first opportunity to do something since 1945.

“I’ve been sitting in this underground silo since 1992 just looking at that big red button,” said Adm. Cecil Haney, Commander of U.S. Strategic Command. “And I feel like, if I finally get the order to press it, something really cool is gonna happen.”

Even if a large-scale state-on-state war doesn’t play out as expected, America’s troops are still excited about opportunities to fight in places like Syria and Yemen, where even the Navy might get to shoot things.

“Sounds like more tax-free dollars to me,” said Staff Sgt. Daryl Hodge, an infantryman. “And those TCNs at the DFAC cook way better than my dependa-wife.”

Still, some troops are wary that neither Trump nor Clinton will increase their combat opportunities.

“They’re just gonna give us combat blue balls, like in the Cuban Missile Crisis or every time I’ve been on a MEU,” said Gunnery Sgt. Gary Hauser. “And it really doesn’t matter who we vote for because they’ll probably just lose our absentee ballots anyway.”

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