Riot breaks out at Fort Hood dining facility after menu promises chocolate milf

They didn't even have creampies.

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FORT HOOD, Texas — More than 17 soldiers were admitted to Darnall Army Hospital for serious injuries after a riot broke out yesterday over a menu typo at a base dining facility, officials say. Dozens more were treated on-scene for minor injuries.

“We knew there was going to be a problem about an hour before chow started, when we noticed a group of like 600 soldiers waiting outside, smoking Newports and talking about Kelly Rowland,” said Spc. Jayne Cobb, a cook who works in the Desert Storm DFAC. “As it got closer to opening time, they started getting restless and pounding on the door.”

Curious as to why so many soldiers were uncharacteristically enthusiastic about eating the DFAC’s normal Thursday lunchtime selection of Shit on a Shingle, creamed corn, spinach, and lemon square, the cooking staff opened a window and asked a soldier what the commotion was about. That’s when they realized their error.

“As soon as he said ‘we’re here for the hot dark mommas,’ I knew we’d screwed up the menu,” said Pvt. John Casey, another cook at the facility. “We checked the menu board in the foyer, and sure enough, whoever typed the menu for the day had typed ‘CHOCOLATE MILF’ in the beverage section.”

The cook section’s noncommissioned officer-in-charge, Sgt. Jack Riles, went outside to try to calm the crowd, but when he explained that there were in fact no eager, nubile hot moms waiting to please the soldiers, the crowd became enraged and began to destroy nearby vehicles and property.

“Once they beat up Sgt. Riles and got inside, we locked ourselves in the walk-in and filed wooden spoons down into shivs in case they got in,” said Pfc. Chad Shelton. “Luckily, they never broke in, but they absolutely ruined the inside of the chow hall, and started a fire in the officer dining room.”

At press time, no charges had been filed, though Fort Hood Military Police promised a full investigation they said would begin with intense surveillance outside windows in base housing.