Signals intelligence analyst under investigation for being normal
FORT MEADE, Md. — An Air Force signals intelligence analyst working for the National Security Agency is under formal investigation for being normal, sources confirmed today.
Staff Sgt. Charles Nelson — “Chaz” to his large and diverse circle of non-SIGINT friends — is uniformly described as liking all sports as well as being fit and sociable. Investigators say he has even had the same girlfriend — a real woman — for more than two years.
“I don’t know about this women thing, but I do know that Nelson is too crazy for us. I heard he volunteered to walk dogs at an animal shelter. He needs to have his clearance pulled," said Technical Sgt. Henry Jack, a former supervisor of Nelson's, who spoke with reporters while vacuuming the thirty pristine throw rugs on his dorm room floor for the third time that day.
The Air Force’s Office of Special Investigations declined to comment.
“I hope he marries that g-g-girl,” said Senior Master Sgt. Henry “Opus” Ratt, operations center supervisor, as he emptied…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.