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Brave Airman Sends Steak Back At DFAC, Fights For Well Cooked Meal


AL UIDED AFB, DOHA, QATAR – The dining facility cooks better get your order exactly right — or else they may draw the ire of Airman Stephen Greenway. Yesterday, Greenway jumped to the head of the line at the BPC Dining Facility (DFAC), intent on getting his order made correctly. It was “Surf & Turf” Friday, featuring Lobster Tails and New York Strip Steak, along with rice pilaf, broccoli and a make your own baked potato bar.

“This steak is well done, I want a piece of medium rare, right now, or I’m filling out a comment card. Don’t make me get my shirt involved.”

Agapito Salazar, a contracted worker from the Philippines who sends scavenged MREs and Nutra-Grain bars, as well as his 15 dollars a day, back to his family of seven on Luzon, shook his head. “Only, one steak. Two steaks, scan again.” he said, motioning to the card scanner and making a swiping motion.

“Un-Flipping-Believable!” shouted Greenway, scanning the people waiting in line for sympathy. He raised his voice, “I DON’T WANT ANOTHER STEAK, I WANT NEW STEAK!” He held up a half of his juicy, 12 oz New York Strip, indicating the center portion. “NO PINK, I WANT PINK.”

“Yes, Yes, another steak, scan again.” Salazar continued to motion to the card scanner.

“You call this service? Let me speak to the manager!” Greenway yelled, violently motioning with his tray and sending one of his two hot and succulent 6 oz lobster tails skittering across the DFAC floor. Salazar turned around and went through the double door.

Marine Gunnery Sergeant Shane Appleton, on 5 days of R&R from a Forward Operating Base in Helmand province witnessed the scene. “I may have to kill this fucking kid.” Beside him, a group of naval aviation maintenance personnel, on lunch after doing an engine change in the 128 degree heat, started making vigorous up and down motions with their fists. After a moment, Salazar returned with Afzar Aja’an, a Pakistani line cook who had been preparing extremely fresh shrimp to replace the dwindling supply of lobster tails.

“You want steak, you scan.” At this point both Salazar and Aja’an launched into a spasmodic series of head nodding and pantomimed card scanning. “Scan, Scan.”

The scene attracted the attention of Lieutenant Colonel Skip ‘Fruity’ Pebbles, of the 869th Customer Support Squadron. “What seems to be the problem here?”

Airman Greenway came to attention in his PT uniform, adjusted his reflective-belt, and sounded off. “Sir, I requested a medium rare steak and it was well done. Now they want me to scan again to get a new piece.”

Speaking to Aja’an, Pebbles said, “This young man has already scanned, give him a piece of steak.”

“He scan? Here is steak.” Aja’an handed him another plate of steak, with two of the last 5 lobster tails, and a baked potato.

“Son, your performance here today exemplifies the attitude that makes our young airmen and women the best fighting force in the world.” Lt Col Pebbles said to Greenway. “You saw a mistake and corrected it. For that I, the Air Force, and the United States are proud of you.”

The Colonel shook the young airman’s hand, transferring to him a 869 CSS Command Coin.

“Thank You, Sir!” said Greenway. He then returned to his seat with his two trays of steak and lobster. After cutting into his new steak, he observed there was still no pink.

“I can’t BELIEVE this!” he groaned, walking over to the trashcan and dumping both trays in.

He was last observed in line at the base Pizza Hut, ordering a medium pepperoni pan pizza, still visibly upset over the stress of his inedible steak.

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  1. Actually me being an Airman myself who is married to a marine I can say yeah we pretty much are well off.there are young Airman who I see who are a lot like the same time regardless what branch you are in you are making a sacrifice whether it be time with your family, stress, our sometimes even the ultimate e sacrifice. When it comes down to it we are all working for the same thing and you never know who it will be saving your ass down range whether it be army Air force navy or marines.I understand rivalry.I don’t understand hatred

  2. @USAF Personellist. Thank you sir for trying to remind everyone what this site is all about. Seems to me 2/3rds are trying to have a “Dick Measuring” contest when they 1) Shouldn’t breed in the first place and 2) Wouldn’t know how to do anything about it anyway.
    Cheers for keeping shit in perspective.

  3. What the fuck? This story makes me god damn furious. We have dudes downrange right now fighting for their lives, living in the dust and eating cold MREs. They’re getting shot at, mortared, rocketed and still have to worry about the guys they’re training turning their guns on them at any moment. Through all of this, this god damn ASSHOLE has the audacity to not properly cook a fucking medium rare steak?!

    I’m so fucking mad right now that I need to take the rest of the day off work.

  4. Maintainers….stop your freaking whining, 12 hour shift, try working 16-17 hours a day 7 days a week. Your the noners. Try REDHORSE,thats where the men are.

  5. YOU’RE Kidding me!!!! IT’S people like this that makes the Air Force and even the US appear weak and whinny. This airman needs to shut up and appreciate the fact that he is even get a steak! SUCK IT UP AND STOP EXPECTING THINGS!!! Stop being weak

  6. *Sigh*
    The people who have been complianing about this article make me sad to be in the AF. Very very sad indeed.

  7. God I so dont want to hear any of your crap!! This is such a bogus story and the Air Force does just as much as all the other services. At least we look professional in our uniforms, which is little I can say about the other service. Women walking around with their hair down, shirts un tucked. Blouses off in common areas. We are on convoys, we are dying. Shut your mouths. We know what hard is! And when we dont we check those fools who dont! This website makes me sick!!!! Im reporting this somehow or another! Freedom of speech. Some fat f#$K who has never deployed created this shit!

    • Well, my daughter (C/4C) looks professional (and happy) in her uniform – she is smarter than me – she went USAF and if she stays, I have no doubt she will be a Colonel – maybe a General – and like all good cadets, she wants to be a line officer and even fly CAS (A-10s) – pretty scary and potentially heroic stuff – even for AF. You (on the other hand) don’t sound happy, in fact, you sound angry – how long have you had these feelings? It is a shame for an airman to seem so so angry – perhaps you should talk about it? Incidentally, I get the feeling that most of the folks posting here (to include this officer) have deployed – that’s what makes the stories so $%&(#$*#^% funny! Enjoy . . . Just saying . . .

  8. It was the same during OIF III. Here the new rotation of AF bitch about their 3 month deployment, while im 6 months into my 12 all the while later jumping into their NTV to go back to their hard chew with running water and me walking a couple miles back to mine. Not complaining about the choice I made, and recognize the AF life is better, but don’t bitch that you have a hard life, when the rest of us actually had a harder life. Hell my life isn’t as hard as those who went outside the wire on the ground. I at least did mine through the air.

  9. This reminds me of chairforce field grade OFFICERS bitching in public in the FOB Q-West DFAC about a three month deployment they’d just started, while I was on about month nine of a year deployment.
    Within twenty seconds virtually everyone in the line had called them chairforce faggots or made some dont ask dont tell joke.

    Then half of the people got kicked out of line, for being too dirty due to having just got back from a convoy.

  10. Read it all: from article to comments. Very entertaining. Especially those two who thought this article was real world.
    During my enlisted years, I never served alongside AF, as a cadet now we are neighboring AF detachment; while we are running and PTing all over the campus 5 day a week, doing 6, 7, 10 mile runs along with 12 mile ruck marches, them AF boys conduct PT twice a week, inside air conditioned facility – all because their commandant says: “running on campus is too dangerous, what if a cadet gets hurt?” . They all know that they are the laught-stock on a campus, however -better level of living is a primary reason to join the AF. They do (AF in general) have some awesome toys to play with, and amazing chow-halls with steak, lobster, and bus-boys. And all jokes aside, their PJs are über-Hooah at what they do.

  11. Listen up Air Force buddies! All this hate we get is because we are the spoil rich kids on the block. For whatever reason, people from other branches think it hurts our feelings when we hear about how terrible their lives are. I just think…Well!! Sucks to be you mate! You made the choice to join something other than the AF you can hate all you like it doesnt change anything, just makes you more bitter so why bother? Maybe you should consider joining us where it’s much nicer and if you’re not into that, that’s fine……Also to my AF friends…stop trying to justify how we are in the same boat, it’s a losing battle even for those who have crappy jobs, they’ll hear none of it and just spit more hate for you trying to make it sound like we have it just has hard. We are technical we are wanted for our brains, not brawn so quit acting like fools….

    hugs and kisses,

    Airman Awesome.

  12. all satire has its basis in some small truth – and then there was flying from Germany to Bosnia aboard AF aircraft – getting into airspace near to Bosnia, the AF turns the cabin lights to ‘red’ and all of a sudden they are now on a ‘combat’ sortie eligible for ‘strike’ air medals . . . The Army was just along for the ride – no air medals for Army – no combat sorties either – ‘just sayin’ . . . Its not ‘hate’ all you too serious to enjoy satire ‘zoomies’ – happy people learn to laugh – first and mostly at themselves – from my foxhole, start in the Corps and then go to the Army – like Chirstmas every day!

    • The crappy thing about that MSN was that crewchief who was sitting right next to you, didn’t get any medals either. He wasn’t considered aircrew. So all he got was “hey chief make sure you look at hydro system 2, we’ll be back at the hotel bar. If you get done early swing on by”.

      Not complaining, one of the best jobs I had. I’d fly the tube of pain if she were still in service.

  13. Funny story. To all the AF bashers just remember one little thing. No one held your hand and walked you into the recruiting office and told you you’re going to join the Navy, Army, or Marines. YOU made that choice . You don’t like it tough shit.

  14. Love the AF bashing comments. The morons that don’t get humor are hilarious and remind me of many Commanders that I had over the years. 1989-2009.

  15. To the people making comments implying that they think it’s real, infuriating the “smarter” people.

    I see what you did there…

  16. How the fuck are you people complaining about this article allowed to serve? Especially as Tech Sgts and officers??? How did you pass the ASVAB? I’m surprised you were able to navigate the internet and find this site.

    This ENTIRE WEB SITE…EVERY FUCKING ARTICLE!! IS SATIRE! it’s one big joke – just like The Onion – meant only to make people laugh. STOP CRYING you stupid little crybaby fucks.

    how are people that fucking stupid?

    Again, incase you missed it, the author never meant for this to be factual. He made it all up. It is only meant as humor. Funny. Not real. Fake…intentionally.


  17. I had hoped this story had a better ending like the Lt Col telling him about those in the field living on MRE’s and water. By the way not all AIR FORCE are this spoiled!!!!!!!! Some of us convoyed with the best of the Army. Some of us still work outside for a living. EVERY DAMN BRANCH has a career field that involves a desk and an air conditioner.This kid wouldn’t last day 1 in my unit!!! SEMPER DUCIMUS

  18. Sad that you all believe this… there is no Amn Greenway nor LtCol Pebbles in the global, therefore I can only surmise this is a fictional story. But, gee, thanks for believing the worst in about the Air Force. As an AF officer, I can guarantee you that this Amn would be looking at a reprimand, NOT get coined. BTW… there isn’t even an 869th CSS anymore. That would be WWII era. Let’s work together and stop badmouthing the other branches.

    • Holy shit, you are fucking retarded. The fact that you had to look those names up in the global to realize this is a satire makes me sad for your intelligence. Please don’t reproduce.

      • DebiPT…you are a fucking idiot. Please go sodomize yourself with a shotgun. You are an AF Officer? Wow, you are a stupid cunt to think this shit is real and the fact that you looked up names speaks volumes to your jackassery.

        • Gentlemen, gentlemen . . . please cut the gal some slack – just a little – she did say she was AF, which implies she has not one clue about tactical life . . . the replies are even funnier than the original – this stuff is just flat funny – I love it!!! BTW – there I was, and this is no *&^% our HHC opened up its MKT at Speicher and most of us got gastroenteritis – that was my first and last meal at the MKT – two water bottles and two MREs per day was a pretty decent diet for the duration of that deployment – ‘just sayin’ . . .

  19. I’m thinking this is a poor attempt at a Facebook smearing, there is no Airman Stephen Greenway or Lt Col Pebbles in the Global and the 869th was a bomber unit from WWII that no longer exists so there would be no 869th Customer Support Squadron and for whichever branch of service the disgruntled author serves in he should know that there is no such thing as a “Customer Support Squadron” in the world’s finest Air Force.
    But us Flyboys still love all Grunts, Squids, and Jar Heads just the same. I’ll think well of them the next time I have seconds of that real world helping of steak and lobster tail.

    • Ben, Are you a ‘Special’ child by any chance? I mean seriously, you take this like it’s real. It’s meant to be FUNNY, while I know you went and looked up all the information like a good airman does, this is how you arrived at your conclusion. You are however one of the most ‘Special’ children I have ever seen post. Perhaps you should not read anymore, and just stay off the internet altogether. I see that all you chair force people have to do all day is whine, bitch, moan, groan, belly ache, and bitch, and whine about everything. This is of course, because you actually do NOTHING, so I’d assume that you’d have enough time to play on the net, and look this stuff up, while the rest of us are out doing ‘real soldier missions’….if you can’t run with the big dogs, then you better stay on the porch.

      • Airbornemedic – I understand you frustration with how you feel about Ben, but referring to the whole Air Force as the chair force is the wrong attitude to have towards your brothers and sisters in arms. There are those of us who work on the flightline for 12 hours a day, sometimes 7 days a week, busting our knuckles, and getting jets up in the air to save others when they’re pinned down. You need to start looking at the BIG picture and not shooting from the hip with half ass information.

        • SSGT…Please, I would have killed for a 12 hour shift during my deployment. It was 5 months in before I ever even dreamed of having a 1/2 a day off so I don’t want to hear your sob story about how the chair force has it so bad…Only guys in the Airforce I give some serious credit to is EOD.

          • Oh, during your deployment? He’s not talking about a deployment dipshit, he’s talking about normal working hours. Maintainers often have to work 12 hour shifts, 6 or 7 days a week for months at a time, while not being deployed.

          • @ Fro – read SSgt’s post again. Where else would the phrase “to save others when they’re pinned down” apply? I can think of two instances – either deployed or while the Russians invade CONUS. Or maybe he means “pinned down” meaning they are playing PS3…either way, shut your yap. There should be no reason why anyone (yes I know this is a fictional piece) should be complaining about their chow; be lucky you aren’t eating MRE’s and taking baby wipe showers like the Marines in Helmand are while Chair Force is collecting the same benefits we are while in a combat zone.

          • I’ll put it this way, I didn’t complain about the DFAC food in deployment situations unless the porta johns weren’t near by, but the best chow i ever had was the what the FOBs brought out to us when we flew in to drop troops and supplies off. the Hamburgers and wings and soggy fries were awesome. Get that shit here in the states and i will turn on minimum wage fast food worker. Cheers

          • The assinine comments from all branches irks me greatly. As maintainers, we pull 12-15hr shifts both stateside and overseas. Not trying to one up, just putting it out there. I know we don’t get in the same shit as the other branches do (and OTW careerfields in the AF), but quit the fucking bullshit. I love poking fun at my own branches, especially the nonners. Get your panties out of your ass and lighten the fuck up.

        • 12 hour days and sometimes 7 days a week? Try a 5 and 15 watch rotation in the hot as balls gulf in a steaming machinery room for 7 months straight. And I was grateful for it because I wasn’t a guy wielding a gun in the godforsaken desert getting no sleep for days.

          The chair force can provide us all the intelligence they want… from the air conditioned comfort of the rear.

    • The reason why so many people mistakenly believe this column is because we have come across Prima Donnas like yourself in our careers and just shake our heads in disgust.

      It’s also funny that you actually had to fact-check the names and units here. I bet you yourself believed this story until you did your checking up of names and unit. Thanks for confirming our perceptions of the world’s finest Air Force.

  20. I normally find the satire of the duffelblog quite hilarious. This post, however, while entertaining is also, sadly, 100% true and not satire at all.

    Fucking air force. They get “hardship pay” if they have to stay at Holiday Inn Express for a night.

    I joined the wrong branch of service….. o_O

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