Fake Teen Navy SEAL Rescued In Yemen By Real Navy SEALs

Navy SEAL Fast roping

SAN DIEGO, CA – Local teenager Travis Munroe is safe and back with his family today after being rescued by a platoon of Navy SEALs. Munroe, 17, was kidnapped months ago from his suburban home by an al Qaeda cell, and later shown in a terrorist propaganda video release out of Yemen.

Army Col. Giles Davies of United States Special Operations Command spoke with TDB about the rescue:

“We are pleased to report the mission was a complete success for the SEALs. We recovered Mr Munroe along with the 3 terrorists guarding him. It was evident after his rescue that he had been extensively tortured by the terrorists, who were attempting to glean information about the unit they thought he was a member of. It seems that they confused his ignorance and claims to the contrary as resistance to their interrogation.”

The bizarre kidnapping came as a surprise for authorities who spent weeks attempting to discover the terrorists’ motives. The 17-year old McDonalds Fry Cook didn’t seem like a worthwhile target for an international terrorist organization. The most ‘combat’ he had seen was on Call of Duty and in Airsoft matches.

Naval Intelligence found the connection after stumbling upon Munroe’s Facebook profile.

“When we checked Mr. Munroe’s Facebook, we discovered an extensively crafted profile outlining him as being a member of the dissolved SEAL Team Six,” said Lt. Cmdr. Charles Aimes. “It even came with a full set of pictures including one fast-roping out of a Blackhawk helicopter, which on closer observation was actually him sliding down a playground fire pole in air soft garb with a Blackhawk photoshopped into the background. It would have had even me convinced except for that fact that I know that no real Navy SEAL is fucking dumb enough to put this on Facebook.”

The irony of the incident is not lost on the SEALs who rescued Travis, as some have commented on condition of anonymity.

“These shit-brained keyboard commandos think it’s really cool and bad-ass to act like special operations forces,” said Chief John, “They don’t seem to be down with fucking reality where terrorists are actively trying to carry out reprisals against us.”

“It probably seemed like all fun and games for him in Call Of Duty,” said Team Commander Lt. Andy, “Though shit gets real pretty fucking fast when some asshole goes to clamp a pair of booster cables to your junk… Kid was special ops all right. Rode the god-damn short C-130 to work.”


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10 Comments

  1. If those of us who understand this site will just keep our mouths closed and stop announcing to the world the fallacies in the articles, we’ll all be able to laugh a lot longer at the fools who don’t get it. The articles are kinda professional trolling bait, so let them work their magic!

  2. I don’t know what’s more hysterical? These great articles, or some of the morons who comment on them that clearly don’t know they are satire 😉

    • im with you havoc, i think reading some of the comments these retards leave is just as much entertainment as reading the articles.

  3. WOW DEA…Are you really that stupid? You do understand that this website is supposed to be humorous don’t you?

    This isn’t a real story, so lighten the F UP!!

  4. Give the kid a break. No NAVY Seal ever did any shit brained stuff. They were born with a snake in both of their fists. There are other special forces who don’t have a fucking movie promoting themselves and a PR person making sure everybody knows what they do. They don’t exist. Job well done is reward enough. Get off your fucking high horses. Your kids are neglected and smegma brained. You think it’s professional to talk about a kid this way? Maybe Photoshop and Video games should be outlawed., in your communist fascist state. Jesus motherfucking Christ. Win the war or whatever.

    • You’re not a particularly great example for how to do it right either. You can’t even detect humor when it screams into your face.

    • DEA, aka Dumb Egocentric Asshole, please reach down between your legs, grab ahold of that large, hairy object, no, the other one, and pull your head out of your ass!!!!! Good lord nutjob!! Take a breath and get some fresh air!!

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