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‘Hurt Locker’ Team Hired By WikiLeaks To Produce Bradley Manning Biopic


HOLLYWOOD, CA — Wikileaks announced today that they were producing a biopic about the “life, times, and struggles” of Private First Class Bradley Manning, with the help of Kathryn Bigelow and Mark Boal.

The leader of the controversial organization — known for leaking classified information — was happy to announce their agreements with the creative force behind The Hurt Locker.

The filmmaking duo just wrapped up a film about the hunt for bin laden called Zero Dark Thirty — partially based on intelligence briefs they received from the White House, set to be released later this year.

“We’re very happy to have both of them aboard and look forward to the film,” said Julian Assange, Wikileaks founder. “And we were really disappointed in the Obama administration. They pulled off the bin Laden raid and we had no idea. That’s the kind of oversight we’re trying to prevent.”

Assange says he fights for open information and access to secrets for everyone — although he refused to share his credit card number or email password.

“We’ve tried to be transparent [and give al Qaeda every advantage] with our intelligence dumps and having the U.S. eliminate Bin Laden was [simply unacceptable and] a great thing for the world. WikiLeaks continues to stress the importance of a more open [source of intelligence for terrorists] and just world.”

When pressed for further comment, Assange opened up — and changed the subject.

“We’re looking forward to what Mark and Kathryn can bring us in the way of public relations. The Bradley Manning story is one we feel needs to be told and Mark and Kathryn are just the ones to do it.”

Both Boal and Bigelow, although initially surprised by the offer, seemed to be on board with Wikileaks, regardless of the reason.

“We believe in Assange’s vision. Information should be open for the public to consume regardless of the consequences…or at least that’s what I learned at Oberlin College,” said Boal.

He went on to say that there wasn’t any real conflict of interests with the “military industrial complex.”

“I just kind of lucked out. I mean for godsakes, I wrote In the Valley of Elah. Did you even see that turd? Of course you haven’t! My career should be over, but for whatever reason, they trusted me.”

Kathryn Bigelow’s office issued a brief written statement regarding her new role within the WikiLeaks organization:

We are thrilled to be working with WikiLeaks and remain confident the integrity of information shared with us by the government will not be compromised. Our next film will detail the trials and emotional stress suffered by PFC Bradley Manning and his benefactor Mr. Assange.

Mr.Assange said that he feels a kinship with Manning.

“It’s good to see people willing to take the fall for our organization. Bradley Manning is a heroic young man. Any man who goes to jail when I don’t — is. The least I can do to repay his bravery is bankroll this film and make tons of money off it.”

The film is said to cover Manning’s life, from his awkward childhood, to his shy, awkward time as a Specialist at Ft. Huachuca, where he openly posted his daily routine on YouTube for millions to see, to his no doubt equally shy, awkward time lip syncing Lady Gaga, while downloading thousands of kilobytes of classified information for open dissemination, to the awkward moment in his court martial where his defense tried to claim that his confused sexual identity (referring to himself as “Breanna” and cross dressing) was somehow a precursor to his being a traitor.

Bigelow was mum on casting, but several big names such as Toby Maguire, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Paul Reubens are all being considered.

The filmmakers have not said whether Manning will be referenced as “Breanna” in the film.

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  1. PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME DO THIS !! please any one OK I’LL DO IT! Well!! I herd, that No nads hASSune & lmbfaic (lostmyboilfriendandicried) UNmanly air BLOWING in for BLOW TWO OOPS! Seemens No Nads has a GEEHYMENUTOOfull Wrong Hole tickler growing outta his chin. And UNmanly has PUUURRRR innFECTED the fartfull Plying of The SKIN FLUTE! SA dead No Nads Tickles the TESTIES & UNmanly PLAYZ ALONG on THE SKIN FLUTE USIN HIS MOUTH ORGAN!! While BRING INN UP DA REAR! THE CAV! yup, BRONIE’S PONIES!! All the glitz and glitter HOE MY! I Love this place! va only give me 60 mins. a yr. w/shrink of which 3 – 5 hrs. r spent hurrie in up. Then 15 min/Dr. Cuz HE’S RUNNIN LATE GOT OTHER PATIENTS! BDFB in?

  2. DocGay-Thats a real kick in the nuts,this F**KING trator needs to be hung by his balls until he dies.He is not fit to wear the uniform of a soldier.He is a low life little faggot and I hope he really goes to prison and tell everyone he is also a child molestor.He would get his just reward from the other inmates.Bubba here he comes.De Oppresso Liber

  3. “President Obama has signed and official Pardon for Private Bradley Manning”
    CNN just reported that the Obama administration released the statement after a lengthy conversation with Bradley Manning attorney.

    • How did you get this info? Was it leaked to you. His pardon is not due till mid January 2013 as one of this White Houses last official acts. The movie has been delayed till then to heap scorn on the incoming administration. Next you will be releasing the solid 2 thumbs up ratings it gets from Hollywood, the mainstream media and NY Times. Oops I said to much how do you get this danger to erase? Never mind ignore everything I posted and pretend you never read it.

    • DocGay-Tell me this isn’t true,That the so called CIC is giving this tratior POS a pardon.What really needs to be done with this POS is too send his AZZ to the Stan and say he is the one that put that film out on Mohammad.That would be a leak for him to explain to the crazy AZZ Muslims.JUSTICE SERVED!De Oppresso Liber

  4. Manning is a hero to traitorous, backstabbing, sad sack, misfit, vengeful shitwads all over the world!
    May he reap the rich reward that he deserves for many decades to come, since the government has taken that needle off of the table. In solitary.

  5. So long as the ending has him dying in a very, very, very painful manner.
    Cast Leonardo DiCaprio as him. He dies at the end of every film, right?

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