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9/11 Anniversary Marked By Confused Looks, Awkward Questions From Junior Military Members


NEW YORK, N.Y. — As the eleventh anniversary of the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks begins, many military members throughout the world are taking time out of their day to try and remember the tragedy.

Some bases will be holding official memorial ceremonies, but many others will feature unofficial question and answer sessions throughout the day.

“Is that a new convenience store?” asked 18-year old Army Private Nathan Samuels, confusing the al-Qaeda led terrorist attack on 9/11 with 7/11, a popular convenience store chain that terrorizes customers’ intestines with microwaved burritos.

While a large portion of today’s military either watched the tragedy on television or were mobilized in response, a growing number of service members simply have no idea what 9/11 signifies.

About 20% of the entire US military is under the age of 21, with the youngest born in 1995, meaning they were anywhere from 6 to 10 years-old on the date of the attacks.

A newly-released Department of Defense poll shows a stark rift in the military: most troops above the age of 25 usually have some recollection of the event, as indicated by their response of “I remember.” Below that age, however, the responses varied between “No Idea” and “Wait, there were two identical towers in NYC before?”

“It’s really very surprising that we have soldiers who don’t know what this date means,” said David Mills, an Army historian. “We’ve had ‘Remember The Alamo’ and ‘Remember Pearl Harbor’ become national refrains. Now we have guys confusing 9/11 with an emergency number, or asking me ‘why we shot that weird-looking bearded dude in Pakistan‘.”

“Last year, when we had a September 11th memorial ceremony, I just about lost my damn mind,” said Marine Sergeant Paul Stewart. “After the Chaps started talking about what happened that morning in New York and D.C., this Private turns to me confused and says, ‘Wait, that was today?'”

“Another one even got pissed off at the Japs for attacking New York City in 2001.”

Confusion doesn’t just affect younger military members, however. A Duffel Blog reporter spoke with some older troops who witnessed the events.

“Yeah, I watched the attacks on television in my senior year of high school,” said Staff Sergeant Nathan Ellis. “I knew right then and there that Saddam Hussein needed to be stopped, and I would do my part to help.”

One sailor, who spoke on condition of anonymity, believes that the attacks that day were an “inside job”.

“They want you to believe that it was these goat herders in Afghanistan, but I know it was the Mossad. All the Jews in the towers were told to not go to work that day,” said the anonymous sailor, a 24-year-old red-headed EM2 who works in the Combat Information Center on the USS Carl Vinson. “And then, at the same time the Israelis were blowing up the buildings in New York, George Bush attacked the Pentagon.”

Despite the problems in understanding, many commanders will be using it as an opportunity to educate their troops.

“It’s really an important time to reflect back and think about why we’re here, fighting the fight, and helping the people of Afghanistan,” said Captain Alan Hendricks, a company commander with 2nd Battalion, 4th Marines in Helmand Province.

“The events of September 11th awakened the sleeping giant and we continue to fight those terrorists today.”

“But sir,” asked Private Franklin Inglee, “where are all these al-Qaeda terrorists we’re supposed to be fighting?”

When Captain Hendricks responded ‘Pakistan’, Private Inglee then asked, “So why are we in Afghanistan?”

After the Captain responded that the US was preventing them from returning to Afghan soil, the Private persisted:

“But couldn’t they just do all their operations out of Pakistan now? I mean, why would they bother coming back to this shithole?  And how does this involve poppy, Afghan police corruption, girls’ schools, or the Taliban?”

“See, that’s why you’re not an officer,” said Hendricks. “You can’t see the obvious connection!”

“We were attacked on 9/11 by a group of Saudis, Emiratis, and a Lebanese, led by an Egyptian. Which is why we’re at war in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Somalia, and Yemen.”

In related news, al Qaeda’s youngest terrorists released a propaganda video today, praising the 9/11 attacks as “a just revenge against the infidel Americans for their unprovoked invasion of Afghanistan.”

Duffel Blog Investigative Reporter G-Had also contributed to this report.

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  1. I just caught this one – and I know it is satire – but the scary part is so much of it is true – there are people who believe it was an Israeli, or CIA plot, or inside job., Also there are kids who think WWII was the US and Germany against Russia, heck there are people who think the moon landeings were fake.

  2. Jist some old timee cartoon themes, movie quotes, and down write word association my diversavicative realignment of linguistics. Having a Satirically Fun Time. Use Hooked on Phonics, History, Politics, The Law, Mil. Mind, No marbles, Shaken NOT STIRRED & LAH DE FUCKIN DA, we troll in an UDDER ONE! DATS WTF!
    We luv it here; We luv it here; UR FUCKIN A WE LUV IT HERE! It never rains; It never snow; the CHICKEN SHIT JUST FLOES & FLOES! bdfb wtf? investigative legal begal reader of facts & figures that don’t add up to HONORABLE. All Enemies : Foreign & !!! Meremba? TA TA

  3. Well well ELMER(isa) DUDD! HEY ELMIRA ! IT’S duck season Or to put in plain simple terms OPENING MAROONS r ON SSHHH stop mumbling !! LMMFAO! Still standing! Comeer DAFFY UZE UP! Damn FEATURE PRESENTATIONS STARTIN YOU F’N KIDS STFU! munmblemumble BDFB bad bad & LOVING EVERY MIN UTE ! “99”2 “86”- out! fuckin shoe fly phony don’t come in big boy sizes ! Stopped Makin um? Never came in CLOWN SHOE SIZE! I wUz told as u get old that u grow mold on ur noodle. Kaint prove it , at least not to the satisfact tion of my one set MILiTARY mumble mumble MUTHA F’N MUMBLE ! i luv it here, I feel LIKE A FREEKIN ASS JEENieASS wid out da “wranglers” around! Wrap ur military intelligence round that. SIRS! Hah hah he did it agin! Yup, stupid over edumacated Id jutts! Rank means BAD ODOR! NOT GOOD SENSE NORA mono pOLUPsYson BRAINS! HOE K!

  4. What’s Up Doc is OLDER THAN BOTH OF US! Hey YOUTH TROOPS check the date & time of this post! Do your Highly Trained Military Minds hear see or smell anything AT ALL or have you young war dogs put us toothless old dogs down and we still have a lot to LEARN about MODERN warfare? Mental midgets, Stand Tall, & you ” WON’T NEED NO STINKIN BADGES! ” STILL STANDING 62 years old some days I crawl to the head but I WALKED EVERY STEP! Learn or BURN. WHAcha tink ofya cinc now? Hmmmmm? LEAD don’t be lead-dead wood. No hero Honored to STILL BE serving W/SAME! Watch what happens next. I’ll bet THIER ARE 17-99 + yr olds that could write the headlines word for word, by network & anchor. Time you pull up anchor and tune in the correct network. Or all you’ll ever going to be is the opening cartoon. BDFB. no satire sadly

  5. and there I was, and this is no $^%#, 9/11/2001, post call on the internal medicine service at Darnall, saw the bad news on a monitor, and heard a message over the intercom to clear the parking lot and move our POVs away from the hospital and then the ‘Great Place” went to Delta and things became interesting for awhile . . .

    • Delta? I went Lu Lu wife dog left – wife returned – RELLY MISS MY DOG! Turned left in Pismo Beach instead of Al’s Bat Quirky. Reporting from the corner of Telephone & Telephone In Bed/W/D in the Province of Lost and Found- State of Confusion. BDFB Duh

      • Kev, I think your posts just gave me a seizure. I seriously started shaking, convulsing and thrashing for a second, there.

  6. That said, Duty-Honor-Country OF BY & FOR ! Who dunnit-why -when & will they again. Real POWER – OF BY FOR do they have Any Power at all- ONLY FORCE – but for each action there has ALWAYS BEEN A 10 PLUS TO 1 RE ACTIVE KILL RATIO – OUR FAVOR not thiers – killer elite – or Peaceful Warriors – All Supporting the Tip Of The Spear – that’s all that’s needed. BLACK FIVE SHOULD HAVE EASY ACCESS around face book and the likes of like Duffle Blog to allow the sighting of without having to wallow with and in, just to comment without getting any on the bottom of the shoe apparel! STILL STANDING 62 Years OLD BDFB no hero KNOWN MORE THAN A FEW!

  7. AND YOU GUY’S were just a joshin ole kev when you thought South Viet Nam, Republic of was a new Gansta group & ole kev WENT OFF LIKE Akinda touchy old goat who can’t spell punctuate nor cypher? Poor Old Broken Down FlyBoy thinks this was MASH-GOMER PYLE – minus the pile -FOREST GUMP WAR STORIES-ALL FUNNY SHIT
    HATS OFF from one F’DUP BDFB

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