Defense Department Investigates Fraudulent Navy SEAL Operation In Bahamas

HSV In Barbados

WASHINGTON, D.C.The Pentagon’s inspector general announced today an investigation into whether or not a group of Navy SEALs committed fraud by spending several hundred thousand dollars on expensive hotels and other items during what they claimed was a month-long mission to search for Al Qaeda operatives in the Bahamas.

The small island chain east of Florida has no known connections with the terrorist organization, terrorism in general, or the Middle East.

The sailors of SEAL Team 11 allegedly concocted a fake mission to the island resort last December, based off of what they described as “classified intelligence, which shows a plan by Al Qaeda to smuggle two radiological devices to the islands in preparation for use against Miami.”

Investigators now believe that the alleged Al Qaeda operation was really the plot of the movie Thunderball.

Once SEAL Team 11 arrived in Nassau, they undertook several weeks of “elaborate reconnaissance”, searching various beaches, reefs, surf shops, casinos, strip clubs, and luxury penthouse suites for any sign of terrorism before declaring the mission a success.

On their way back to Dam Neck Annex in Virginia, their plane was also somehow diverted to Las Vegas, Nevada, for an additional week of repairs.

Pentagon spokesman John Able said that rumors of the trip had been circulating for months, but only recently were investigators able to pinpoint the unit and mission.

“Our first tip-off was when we saw the gear list for the mission. Usually members of our Special Warfare Development Group ask for things like weapons and ammunition, communications gear, night vision goggles, and so on.”

“SEAL Team 11 asked for three seabags full of money, twenty cases of champagne, and an unlimited line of credit for both the blackjack table at the Caribbean Club Casino and what is believed to be an escort service.”

While not as well-known as its more famous cousin SEAL Team 6, SEAL Team 11 has an equally-long, but less-distinguished, history with the US military.

Formed during the Vietnam War, SEAL Team 11 conducted countless long-range patrols looking for North Vietnamese army units in the Saigon Red-light district, supported the failed Desert One rescue mission from a Kuwaiti luxury hotel, and spent the months following the September 11 terrorist attacks securing Disney World from any Al Qaeda plots.

In fact, the movie Three Kings was loosely based off a SEAL Team 11 mission in Desert Storm.

Pentagon officials have now vowed to investigate other questionable SEAL Team 11 missions, such as a six-month hunt for Usama bin Laden in Monte Carlo, training operations which suspiciously coincided with Mardi Gras and Oktoberfest, and multiple counter-terrorism missions to Atlantic City.

Members of SEAL Team 11 declined all requests to be interviewed, and a Duffel Blog reporter trying to reach them at Dam Neck Annex was guided away from top secret training in preparation for their next mission, which appeared at a distance to consist of pounding the drum beat from Wipe Out onto a surfboard.


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18 Comments

  1. So I suppose those trips to Monaco were just to scope out the hot chicks on the beach? What about that Disney world trip? Surely they found evidence of something they’re just keeping secret. Next you’re telling me that all the hookers and blow were against regulations as well? How are they supposed to blend in Saint-Tropez without doing hookers and blow? And not that cheap shit either. They needed to stick to the thousand dollar a night hookers and clean nose-candy. They want to look like players not losers.

    So what if they spent a little of their money on jewelry for their wives and girlfriends? Don’t they need to fit in as playboys in Paris and Milan? Somebody’s screwed the pooch on this one.

  2. GARRICK YOOO WHOOO TAKE DA STUFFIN OUT YA MUFFIN CHILD! Mommy told you bout people like these just yesterday DON’T YOU MEREMBER?? Satire is a story a little more big people than see spot run. In the big people book, Spot might be dinner/mittens/warmsocks/best damnfriend ever! Just SSDD, data all Garrick. Now be a good boy and GO WIPE THAT GREEN SNOT OFF YOUR RUNNY SNOTTY TITTLE NOSE! thank you

    • Kevin “BDFB” McQuade – Sir I do believe that was quite nearly the most cogent post by you that I have read! If only I could figure out the other ones . . . Cheers . . .

  3. The Duffleblog is full is CRAP. Some moron made up this story, like reached deep and pulled it out of their arse. SEAL Team 11, and DEVGRU? Connected? What? Since Obama took office the SEAL Teams can’t even afford to buy new fins to go diving with, much less pull off some scam like this. To whoever wrote this garbage, I hope you get hit buy a city bus!

    • Garrick, this site is S A T I R E and I think, primarily aimed at members/former members/dependents of members who ‘get it’ and enjoy the no kidding humor element that comes from ‘getting it,’ but even funnier are reading and sometimes replying to comments like yours reflecting that you really don’t seem to get it. Incidentally, you used the term ‘arse’ – I have only heard that used by our UK allies – and there is another military site ARRSE – that is a spin on the term and though not a humor site is just as funny to read through as Brits are expert at shredding folks with the English language – in fact – most Brits can weave such an elegant and intricate insult, and deliver it in such a professional way, that the chap on the receiving end thinks he’s getting a compliment, while those all around are laughing thier collective arse’s off – but then, they have to ‘get it . . .’

  4. I’ve seen this before! Definite PETA EPA TREEHUGGER SHIT! They ST11had to make it LOOK LIKE they were Wasting $$$$ like the afformentioned unmentionables. ST 11 WENT IN UNDERCOVERS AS FUR BEARING SEALS to cause an UP rrrrroOAARRRR from the needle dicks and no nads to make shit look like they were not a watching ALS QUID AHS Pamper Helmet Cum umma does! JOB WELL DONE FUR BEARING SEALS!

  5. I hope those sons a beeches get the book thrown at them! This has nothing to do with the fact that they rejected my interservice transfer three times even though I paid the prescribed hooker and blow fund.

  6. GO SEAL Team 11. Don’t let any jealous non-SEAL woosies tell you how or when to train for your essential missions. Make me wish I coulda been a SEAL!!!!!

  7. Sounds like the “weapons” fire training consisted of water pistols/soakers that was loaded with100 proof Wild Turkey and instead of a shot in the eye, they all took and gave repeated shots in the mouth – a much more difficult procedure while zooming around on water skis and Sea Doos. However, the motto for SEAL Team 11 is practice til ya get it right – no matter where the mission takes you!

  8. Sweet Jesus, has OPSEC gone completely out the window? You sonsofbitches will have these proud warriors’ blood on your hands if the enemy, no matter how cleverly he is disguised as just another tourist on a Carnival cruise, begins to catch on to SEAL Team 11’s tactics. Have we learned nothing from Geraldo and the like?

  9. You guys need to do one about Chesty getting posthumously NJP’d for racial remarks about Japanese people.

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