Following Cultural Awareness Class, Marines Burn Down Own Embassy

MSG Detachment outside the Embassy stop to take a photo with visiting Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
MSG Detachment outside the Embassy stop to take a photo with visiting Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA –The anti-American protests spreading throughout the Islamic world over an anti-Muslim film took a startling turn today when the Marine Security Detachment at the U.S. Embassy in Malaysia decided to burn down their own embassy.

“Wow, that movie was really offensive,” sobbed Corporal John Webb from Stockton, California, after he smashed the windows of the gatehouse he normally guards.  “We have to take a stand – a stand so loud and angry that no one will ever make something like this again!”

The detachment had recently attended a mandatory two-day culture class required for all Marines deploying to Muslim-majority countries, entitled “Islam: A Peaceably Peaceful Religion of Peace”, sponsored by the Center for Advanced Operational Cultural Learning (CAOCL).

Following the class, the instructor showed the detachment the controversial movie trailer Innocence of Muslims, which has sparked massive protests and riots against U.S. embassies and consulates in Egypt, Libya, and Yemen.

“I figured that since they now understood the basic tenets of the Islamic faith, they could appreciate the gut rage that many Muslims felt on seeing this offensive video,” said CAOCL instructor George Robinson.

Instead the Marines became agitated, first attacking the projector and film screen, then refusing to return to their posts until the United States government had formally disowned the film and arrested its producer.

At one point U.S. Ambassador Paul Jones came down to the classroom and explained that the best way to fight ignorance and hatred was through calm and rational discussion. After a brief moment of reflection, detachment commander Staff Sergeant Matthew Williams from Traverse City, Michigan yelled “No, fuck that!” and threw a paperweight at him.

The Marines then went on a rampage, smashing windows and overturning desks, until a mandatory evacuation of the embassy was ordered, at which point the Marines proceeded to further ransack the building and surrounding courtyard before burning the embassy to the ground.

“Thanks to my cultural training, I now totally empathize with the protesters,” Sergeant Ethan Childers said, after he burned an American flag and yelled “Death to the Great Satan!”

Some members of the embassy staff initially applauded the Marines’ actions as a type of clever ruse to evacuate the embassy and joined in, hurling stones and shouting anti-American slogans while blending into a crowd of onlookers gathering outside.

Not all Marines participated in the riots for cultural reasons: one sergeant said that he assumed by its production value that Innocence of Muslims was some type of pornographic film and flew into a blind rage when it ended with no sex.

Following the incident, spokesmen for CAOCL have pledged to reexamine their curriculum, the first time the organization has done so since 2005, when an instructor was caught hiring illegal Mexican immigrants to portray Iraqi insurgents.

The Marine Security Detachment has now announced that they will continue to occupy the embassy grounds until the makers of other crudely stereotypical films, such as The Hurt Locker and Battleship, have also been arrested.

Duffel Blog investigative writer Dark Laughter also contributed to this report.


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31 Comments

  1. The Marines should be prosecuted under the UCMJ. Did they forget they are sworn to protect the Constitution of the United States–the very Constitution which provides for Freedom of Speech. No matter how stupid the film, we protect the rights of people to say stupid things. Do these same Marines destroy government property because Christians are martyred, churches burned and the Christian faith denigrated around the world? I don’t think so. The actions are not heroic and the film has only been used as a excuse.

    • I agree with you, they should be prosecuted old tastament style, not that politically correct, new testament punishment!

    • I disagree, I think their actions were quite heroic. They stood against the tyranny of cultural oppression and a blinded xenophobic mindset–what, Americans think we’re always right about everything! Arrogant assholes. In fact these Marines ought to receive personal awards for their valiant attempt to effect cultural justice and increase worldwide equality.

  2. Shame it wasn’t the French embassy, then they could have conquered the whole country while they were at it.
    I mean hell, if the Frenchies scare at a German accent and goose stepping, imagine a Marine invasion…….
    It’d be almost as good as the Army going in.

  3. Flashback movie time. Ever seen the movie with Elliot Gould “Whiffs”? I think that was based on Kevin.

  4. You are a fun, twisted collection of people, except Kevin, who is one goofy mofo. This is one of the few places where the comments are fun, and not the product of some foul-tempered old man pissed because the g*dd*mn kids walked on his lawn again (think Clint Eastwood at the RNC). Again, except for you, Kevin. You gotta start taking your meds on a more regular basis.

    • I love this site, but you are wrong about Clint. He nailed it by talking to an empty chair. That’s a perfect meme for Obama, an empty chair. Why? His chair at intel briefings are empty 50% of the time due to golfing concerns or Las Vegas trips.

  5. Is dis watt pee tea &. A STD is? Wren u get feeble mindeded mumblmumumblble miss spill wurdz don’t use pork her pontification & how clockwork orange agent batshit happens at BO officcerz? Hmmmm? No de rotor ring? Bronie’s Zponie Brownie No Force Neccesary Boysz gots SHIT LOADS ! TA TA slap happy gran pappy KPM BDFB Broken Down FlyBoy KPMcQ Kev mumblez & all dat stuff! I F’n luv it here! This is the. 13th flr; sect 8 Is it not HELLO ……..no body woke me every body hates me I’m gonna kill some WOOOYYOIMZZ! & antz and shitflies and and

  6. I still haven’t stopped laughing.

    I sometimes share your “news items” on the local newspaper eforum and laugh even harder at the total lack of humor by the Looney Left. They HATE your great stuff. Me? I love it! Please keep it up.

  7. Sorry, down to only one functional b R A I N man C e Lu Lu left! Never was any good at that Crypto, so I stick more to shove lilins. Da squatters; no can rite name in snow when u squat to pee & walk like duck all time. So I shovel SHIT, not reel eloquenty but me like. BDFB dotin I’s crossing T’S widout tinkling bout it.

      • Let me think on this Crazy Cracker& Sgt. SmartAss + 1 62 yr toe tag alley vet/erwinn/cup/rr = SsgT! Smart Ass Cray Zee Kerakcked HER! new handle, stackin n packin! uJist lickin GOLD Load Smashers DOO DOO!! no decode?

    • Damnit KPM…..why did you have to go all cryptic again. I don’t always have my Little Orphan Annie decoder ring handy to decipher your shit.

  8. The Marines were awarded the Navy Cross for their valiant actions in burning down their own embassy. Later after throwing acid an ‘immoral’ woman for not wearing a burka the Marines stormed the local Red Cross and demanded they stop providing medical assistance to anyone harmed by ‘the righteous fist of Allah’.

    In sympathy with their Muslim brothers the Marines then held a peaceful demonstration in which several vehicles were burned the American flag was desecrated and several women reporters were raped by the demonstrators. A State Department official offered this anonymous statement, “Under normal circumstances we would condemn these actions in the strongest language possible. However, given the inflammatory nature of…well whatever it was they were protesting we must support their calls for….whatever it might be that they are calling for. Oh, and the whorish women obviously had it coming. I mean really, just look at how they were dressed. You could see their hands and part of their face and everything. The sluts were just begging for it.”

  9. At first I was like…but then I was like….then I thought, “Ohhhh! Durka durka DURKA!” All countries should burn down their embassies to show their support for the latest contrived event to be used as a rallying point for a bunch of raghead motherfuckers whose stated goal in life seems to be to destroy all the things.
    First there was a newspaper cartoon, and embassies were burned. Then there was a movie, and more embassies were burned and people died. What’s next? A public demonstration of the Allah-approved method of sheep insemination, now with no hands?
    Lock and load.

  10. When asked to comment on the Marine’s reaction, a local muslim man was quoted as sayIng, “DIRKA DIRKA DIRKA! ABAKA-LA, MOHAMMED JIHAD! SHERPA SHERPA!!!!”

    In response, the President quickly dispatched the world police to go blow shit up.

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