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Navy SEALs To Infiltrate Libya In Secret Mission, Major Book Publisher Reports


VIRGINIA BEACH, VA – A major publisher of Navy SEAL memoirs reported today that a U.S. retaliation strike is “imminent” in Libya. Following the news stories of the attack on the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya, Random Day spokesman Bill Klein stated that several of their company’s clients called with a preliminary manuscript for possible books.

“The first to contact us was Steve Faulkner,” Klein said. “He is with DEVGRU… you know, the SEAL Team Six guys. Anyway, he called us up late at night and said he wanted to present a new book idea for his autobiography, which would include several chapters on raids against terrorist camps in the Libyan desert.”

Klein said the conversation was cut short because Faulkner stated that he would be leaving the next morning and would be gone for awhile, possibly for several weeks.  “OPSEC is so important to these guys,” said Klein, “so usually when a world event happens and they have to go respond, they’ll have to quickly send us a manuscript for their next book idea before they get on a plane to go and do an op.”

When Klein was asked about his usage of military slang, he was more than happy to answer.

“These operators and I have become so tight over the past several years. What, with all that’s been going on and the slew of book ideas and manuscripts we’ve been reviewing, I’ve even opened up a satellite office in Virginia Beach just to handle all the material coming out of Dam Neck and Little Creek alone.  The public affairs office over at SPECWAR and I have developed a really good relationship, too.”

Klein was happy to show reporters from the Duffel Blog other manuscripts sent in.  “This one here was from a young lieutenant over at Eight… that’s SEAL Team Eight,” Klein said with a grin. “The working title is ‘Into the Den of the Ayatollah’, but we’re thinking of changing that.”

Klein stated that he hasn’t been able to contact the Lieutenant because his unit shipped to the Persian Gulf a month ago.  “I expect he’ll update his Facebook page soon with his location so that all his fans can follow him,” Klein stated.  The publisher has high hopes for the book, especially when the U.S. strikes at Iran’s nuclear facilities later this year.

Duffel Blog reporters were fortunate to have Chief Petty Officer (SEAL) Bud Jorgenson show up with a manuscript during the interview with Klein. He was excited to talk about his experiences and get his name out there “to generate some buzz.”

“Yeah, we get a quick class towards the end of BUD/S on how to write a good manuscript.” Jorgenson said. “It’s just as important to us as learning how to navigate underwater or conduct CQB. Once you get here to Virginia Beach though, one of the guys on the Teams will introduce you to Bill here and really get your shit rolling.  Of course, you have to get out on some ops first… some deployments under your belt, that sort of thing.  Nobody wants fiction when they can read the real deal.”

Klein stated that he is currently looking at the possibility of expanding Random Day’s office in Virginia Beach.

“So many of the guys want to do movies, especially after ‘Act of Valor’ came out,” Klein said. “Lots of guys were jealous of the trim the ‘Act of Valor’ SEALs were getting at the premier parties and such.  It’s way better than just being a wealthy book writer.  I mean, what chick wants to bang an author? Being an actor is where it’s really at.”

Klein said he’s currently in talks with Tri-Star and Paramount to open film studios in the Virginia Beach area.

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  1. This shit aint funny now! My grampa, a Chief Master Sergent Recon SEAL, was killed before my father was concieved, because of some numb nuts private in his SEAL unit decided to chat with his girlfriend on Facebook about their upcoming mission. Because of that glory hound, my dad had to be concieved by my Grampa’s best friend.

    Remember, loose lips..something, something, and sailors die.

  2. I love each of these well written pieces, I understand the satire and damn near laugh through the whole thing. Unfortunately most do not understand the humor of it or better yet the Severity… Silent professionals seem to be damn near a distant echo. Sure, maybe at some point while sitting around with some family members, who have done similar things, you may talk somewhat about these things but damn, a book?!? Really?

    Anyway, I am not for it… However, if they do decide to start airing these raids on Satellite TV or On Demand/ Pay Per View, I am complete game for it. That would be some seriously interesting shit… I especially love the idea above that suggests 100% live feed so the Terrorists can watch theirselves on TV and shit their pants….

    Semper Fi

  3. This is ridiculous! I know the Seals are badass but… C’mon man! Our baddest soldiers are going to turn into a bunch of premadonna pussies who are going to say “I can’t get hurt, I’m filming a new movie soon!”. But then again, don’t most these kill people in their sleep? I guess they already are pussies! I’ll never read one of those books or watch one of those movies! I would however be interested to read about the people who point their fingers and send these “SEALS” to go do their bidding.

  4. I heard they were going to air the raid live so the high value targets can see themselves on TV and shit themselves in fear.

  5. I swear, every other squidling in San Diego claims to be either waiting to go to BUD/S, is currently going to BUD/S, or just graduated BUD/S. Considering I can probably pick up and break some of these boys over my knee, you’d think they’d pick a more believable story.

    Anyway, when are they podcasting the raid?!

  6. Ooh, I hope there’s a podcast!! They should just send SEAL Team 11… aren’t they already nearby? I heard something about some counterintel work taking place at most of Malta’s resorts.

  7. Geee – all the cool things I know about Navy operators, I learned from Hollywood movies like GI Jane, and Navy Seals, and Men of Valor . . . I especially liked the dialogue from the Chief in GI Jane – I mean – you can’t make this stuff up – ‘when I see the sea once more will the sea have seen or not seen me . . .” or “I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself, a bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself . . .” or “pain is your friend – it keeps you frosty, it keeps you alert, and best of all, it lets you know that you are not dead yet . . .” Yep – when I grow up, I want to be just like that so I can use all of those cool sayings . . . Wait a second, those were actors, in movies, and those sayings were for the most part from classic poetry, and real soldiers, sailors, arimen, and Marine operators are too busy doing thier job to reflect upon the classics, and even if they did have time to reflect upon the calssics, the rest of us in support (like this officer) would never know because real operators don’t talk about it . . .

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