Army Launches ‘Eat Right, Don’t Eat At The Chow Hall’ Campaign

Chow Hall

FORT BRAGG, NC – The Army launched its new health initiative today, which spokesmen called the “Eat Right, Don’t Eat at the Chow Hall” campaign.

“Historically the military has served the healthiest, best food we could supply our soldiers,” said Army Public Affairs Officer Captain James Dale at a press conference, “But we have come to believe a balanced diet should include something other than mac n’ cheese, meatloaf, and pizza casserole.  We are committed to keeping our soldiers in the best shape possible, so we are doing our best to provide them food with real nutritional content.”

The Army’s new dietary guidelines encourage soldiers to buy their own groceries and lists healthy restaurants out in town. They also encourage troops to steer clear of dietary pitfalls such as high-calorie foods, sodas, and all base dining facilities.

“I haven’t been to the chow hall in days,” Corporal David Stone said when asked about his new diet.  “I feel better already.  The only thing I miss is the breakfast rice.”

“Yeah, there was a salad bar at the chow hall,” Private Sarah West said when asked about the campaign, “But nobody ever ate that crap.  I tried once and I threw up.”

A poster for the new campaign shows the food in the chow line, with the caption “Would you serve this to your family?” Another poster shows a soldier snapping a pancake in half.

“We also decided to reduce the calorie count of our meals by making our portions smaller,” CPT Dale said.  “However, the all you can eat dessert bars will remain.”

In a related story, a small number of U.S. prisons are dealing with riots after inmates complained about the influx of foods sent to them from military dining facilities. Inmates have said that the food constitutes “cruel and unusual punishment” on their digestive tracts.


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4 Comments

  1. This is dated but speaks well for Navy chow at the time. While training as a Corpsman in San Diego we always had a choice of 3-5 entrees with ample choices of fruits and veggies, eggs fixed anyway you wanted when ordered. Or you could go to the burger room next door. We thought this was the norm, but when Marines came in to give blood and received a steak dinner they would usually ask if we always ate like this. At a naval hospital in NY the best thing about night duty was eating before going on duty. The question asked was “what do you want (including steak) and how do you want it?”. At the OCS dispensary in Quantico they celebrated a Marine anniversary with a tough steak and followed with a month of hot dogs. I felt for those Marines.

  2. It’s true, the DFACs in Iraq (ran by contractors) I ate at had better chow than the any army DFAC, other than the breakfeast omelets.

  3. HAHA, ok I love you guys, but the last paragraph kinda hit home beacuse back in 1997ish I was stationed in Hawaii, and the State pen was serving T-Rats to their inmates, which in turn went on hunger strike, because it was “cruel and unusual punishment” The kicker is that they won the case and were never fed T rats again…lmao But great article guys as usual. Thanks for the laughs

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