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Entire Battalion Flattened By 7-Ton After Road Guard Fails To Post


CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — The rhythmic echoes of running cadence are a familiar sound on any military installation, but the usual “lo-right-lay-oh” was accompanied by screams last Friday when an entire battalion was run over by a 7-Ton truck after a road guard failed to assume his post.

The Marines of 9th Communications Battalion are known for their penchant to engage in “boots and utes” battalion runs every Friday morning, led by their Battalion Commander, Col. Randall “Randy” Walker. Normally, formations are preceded by a pair of “road guards” wearing reflective vests to prevent vehicles from entering the roadway as the Marines run by.

However, when Walker shouted for road guards to “post” on the intersection they were about to pass through, one of the designated road guards, Private First Class Daniel Goodman, couldn’t hear him over the cadence call and remained in formation.

Cpl. Nicholas Farina, a Motor Vehicle Operator with 7th Engineering Support Battalion, was towing a generator to a field exercise when he suddenly found himself bouncing over the bodies of the men and women of 9th Comm.

“I was just driving along 17th Street towards the FEX [sic] when I came upon an intersection. I looked both ways and saw a large group of Marines running towards me but they didn’t post a road guard, so I assumed I was okay to drive,” said Farina in his official statement of the tragedy. “The next thing I know, blood is spraying across my windshield.”

According to forensic reports, The 7-Ton collided with the squad leaders while going roughly 30mph and just kept on going. Cpl. Farina will not be facing charges for the deaths of nearly a hundred Marines, however, as PFC Goodman failed to indicate that there was a formation nearby and that it was unsafe to enter the roadway.

“Posting a road guard is crucial to the survival of Marines during formation runs,” said Safety Officer Mrs. Lizette Horton, the civilian in charge of ensuring the battalion is always in compliance with Department of Defense safety protocols.

“Without a road guard in the street, it is sometimes impossible for motorists to notice a formation right in front of them. Despite the fact that each individual Marine wore a reflective belt around their waist or hydration system, it is very plausible that Corporal Farina didn’t see them — which is why it is so important that a Marine in a full reflective vest stand in front of the oncoming traffic and not allow them to pass.”

Currently, the three surviving Marines of 9th Communications Battalion, who were not present due to being on light duty, are engaged in a safety stand-down.

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  1. Motor T drivers aren’t known for their quick thinking. They need to see the road guards to know when to stop, otherwise they’ll just keep truckin. It’s a conditioned response that they spend most of their time in school training. Thank god for the brave ground guides, without them the Marine Corps wouldn’t even have the 2 working vehicles per unit they do have.

  2. FAKE! This is clearly a fake article, everyone knows that it is the PT belt that saves lives. This has nothing to do with road-guard ineptitude but lack of PT belts. Were they wearing only 1? Sorry but 2 PT belts is now the standard, get with it, marines!

  3. When I was a young soldier and assigned as a Road Guard, I could only stop a 5 ton moving at 10mph with my straight arm stance.
    I’m not sure even a road guard today would be able to stop a 7 ton moving at 30 mph.

  4. This is total crap! NOT TRUE AT ALL!!!! I verified with my Marines at 9th Comm. Duffel Blog, YOU ARE TERRIBLE FOR POSTING THIS!!!!

    • I know this is reply is a repeat of so many replies on this site, so I’ll type it in all CAPS for emPHAsis… HOW ARE SOME OF YOU SO INCREDIBLY DULL THAT YOU ACTUALLY TAKE THESE ARTICLES AS FACT?!

      You’re probably right though… Maybe I’m the wrong one! Maybe I should take these much more seriously! Gosh, I’m really looking forward to encountering the T-700 Death Robot ( on future deployments and then relaying that information using carrier pigeons (

    • You’re right this story is total crap. I’m glad you took the time to verify it and denounce it. You seem like a squared away Marine so I’ve got this once in a lifetime deal just for you because you are so squared away. I’m sure you know that Robert Mullins the proprietor of Tun Tavern in Philadelphia, PA was the Marine Corps’ first recruiter, and everyone knows that recruiters are famous for their mod-Blue uniform. Well, it just so happens, I have the blood stripes off Robert Mullins mod-Blue trousers that he wore while on recruiting duty and I will sell them to you because you are so squared away for the low low low price of $1,000.00. Imagine how you will be the envy of your friends when you wear your Blues with Robert Mullins blood stripes affixed to them. . . . . . .you f’in’ motard.

    • Dear Fred,
      I apologize that you were not issued a sense of humor at Boot Camp but if you take 800 mg of Motrin 3x daily and double your water intake I am sure you will pull through.
      With sincerest apologies,

  5. Pretty soon we will be required to wear full reflective vests, pants, headgear and jock straps when doing PT.

  6. I can tell you right now, it won’t only be that PFC that’s going to answer for this. Coulda, woulda, shoulda, is past tense. Now they will have to deal with the present and it won’t be pretty. Heads are going to roll….

    • Did I miss something – the PFC probably wont be punished because the only 3 survivors were on light duty and I would assume not running. Or have the Marines figured out how to raise the dead for purposes of discipline.

  7. Great, we’re all gonna be rolling with four vehicle guides and glow belts on our povs. Way to ruin it for everybody, PFC.

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