Confused WWII Veterans Demand To Know Why Rommel On Presidential Ballot

General Rommel

BETHESDA, MD – A group of elderly World War II veterans at the Bethesda Naval Medical Center have written a letter to the Federal Election Commission asking them to explain the presence of German Field Marshal Erwin “Mitt” Rommel on this year’s election ballot.

“While we applaud the American people for their willingness to vote for a centenarian, particularly a decorated war hero who turns 121 this month, we have serious questions about Mr. Rommel’s eligibility to be president and precisely what his platform consists of.”

Rommel, popularly known as ‘The Desert Fox’, was a German commander in World War II and died in 1944. He has nothing in common with actual presidential candidate Mitt Romney, other than an obsession with Benghazi, Libya, and his universal healthcare program: Rommelcare.

The letter goes on to demand that Mr. Rommel produce a birth certificate showing his eligibility to serve as president, per Article II of the Constitution, as well as charges that he may have been involved in certain Nazi activities in the past, specifically the conquest of North Africa.

However, despite the strident tone of the letter, a series of interviews conducted by Duffel Blog reporters at Bethesda Naval Medical Center have revealed sharp divides in the pro- and anti-Rommel groups.

“All I’ve been hearing on the radio for the past six months is ‘Rommel this’ and ‘Rommel that’,” complained D-Day veteran Jackson Webb.  “That magnificent bastard, people must have read his book!”

“Most people don’t know that eight out of our first nine presidents were not only born in a foreign country, but even swore allegiance to a foreign king, yet were allowed to take the oath of office,” said Ken Webster, a 92 years-young veteran of both Sicily and Anzio.

Alexander Ness, who fought in World War II, Korea and Vietnam and was strangely shot in the foot each time, chimed in that George Washington had even served as an officer in a foreign army, actions which should have automatically led to his citizenship being revoked.

“I don’t see why Rommel should be held to a higher standard than George Washington,” Ness added.  “Plus anybody would be better than our current president.”

Anthony Laurito, who briefly served under General Patton before being hospitalized for a series of slap-induced concussions, said he wasn’t planning on voting for Rommel.

“My grandson was telling me Rommel wants to strengthen ties with ‘our traditional allies like Japan’. Doesn’t he know that Japan makes up just one part of what I like to call the ‘Axis of Evil’, like Iran, Iraq and North Korea? And all this talk about having less ships than we did in 1917?  Maybe if he brought it up to present-day 1945 levels I would at least consider voting for him.”

“That’s why I’m voting for President Osama.”


Can you help us? We aren't some gigantic media corporation. Duffel Blog is literally just one guy editing a bunch of articles written by military contributors — all on a shoestring budget. If you love what we do, please donate a few bucks to keep our doors open. Even the smallest amount is a big help.

12 Comments

  1. What really sunk Rommel’s campaign was his insistence that he would “rule” from Herrlinger, Germany. Although, his stance on rules of engagement re: the war on terror, was popular with some. (“Kill the enemy. Report for your next assignment.”) Others were a bit concerned about the “next assignment” given Rommel’s background.

  2. Thanks for comment.Introducing the new HughesNet Gen4 Power plans. HughesNet Gen4 is the next generation of high-speed satellite Internet that will let you do more of what you want online.

  3. Patton! I vote for Patton.  Is he on the ballot?  Please let me vote for Patton.  Where is Patton?   GEORGE get your ass back here!  Dear Lord in Heaven can we have Patton Back?  PLEASE. 
     
    Can you Imagine the White House with George S. Patton in office?  The world would surrender.

  4. Given his failings on logistics, I would consider his ability to handle the economy to be highly suspect.

  5. “I don’t see why Rommel should be held to a higher standard than George  Washington,” Ness added.  “Plus anybody would be better than our  current president.” 
    Pure gold!  G-Had, I love that you hate my freedom!

One Ping

  1. Pingback:

US Navy Ships

Navy To Send a Strong Message To Iran With Pointless Multinational Exercise

Poster from Joseph Kony's Presidential campaign

Poll: Joseph Kony Currently Leads U.S. Presidential Race