COSTA MESA, CA – One life has ended and another’s academic future is on life support after a tragic day at Orange County Community College in Southern California. The incident took place during a discussion of PTSD in a psychology class when one student decided to share his struggles as a war veteran.
“After I told the class I was an Iraq vet, they were all mesmerized,” said John Kemp, a former Army Sergeant. “I went from that weird 27 year old Freshman in the back of the class who doesn’t speak to anyone to a war hero everyone wanted to talk to.”
Unfortunately, one student’s admiration went too far when he delved into the personal tragedies suffered by Kemp.
“He asked me if I had ever killed anyone,” said Kemp. “I don’t know what happened. I just snapped. After being asked that question for the millionth time, I couldn’t take it any more so I sort of beat him to death. Why am I not in jail yet?”
Captain Tim Babel, spokesman for the Costa Mesa Police Department, announced yesterday that all charges would be dropped on the condition that Kemp completes a VA sponsored anger-management program for returning veterans.
“It can be stressful as a student veteran,” recalls Babel, who also served in the Army. “I was in his same position once. I almost beat up a douche bag Frat guy who told me pledge week was just like basic training because they made him do push ups and yelled at him a lot.”
Kemp insists he doesn’t have anger issues. He cites his job as a supply Sergeant and complete lack of combat experience as proof he doesn’t have PTSD.
“I murdered someone!” said a distraught Kemp. “Why is nobody taking this seriously? Just because you serve in a war doesn’t mean you’re messed up and deserve special treatment. I even tried to turn myself in but the police told me it was cool, thanked me for my service and gave me a lollipop.”
School officials are taking a slightly harder stance. Kemp has been placed on academic probation and must participate in three student veteran conferences where he will answer questions from fellow students about his war service.
“It was a tough decision to make,” said OCC President Sara Jacobson. “Even after all of Mr. Kemp’s horrific experiences overseas, we feel he still has great potential as a human being. However, we cannot set a precedent of allowing student murder, so some punishment must be conferred.”
Kemp has decided to stop speaking altogether during class.
“I think it’s best if I just keep quiet. When they find out, I’m either a hero, mentally unstable or both. I can’t be just some dude who went to war.”
“If there is a bright side to this,” Kemp chuckles. “I did get my first confirmed kill.”
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