FORT LEONARD WOOD — At two o’clock this morning, Specialist James Harrison buffed the battalion floor with a finesse reminiscent of the famed Italian amore, Giacomo Casanova, seducing an inexperienced young servant girl.
Harrison, much like the suave Italian lover, began with the subtle sounds of Vivaldi’s Spring Concerto No. 1 in E Major. As the violin concerto bounced off the thickly painted walls, Harrison soothed a thick and slippery handful of wax across the tile floor. With a practiced hand and reassuring whispers, the young man worked the wax — his strong fingers grinding in small circular motions.
Reaching around, he became suddenly firm, nearly violent, and pushed the wax evenly into the floor — akin to the Italian flesh conqueror tossing his new prize, with a domineering force, onto an 18th century down comforter.
His game, wet and open, awaited his machine, and Harrison obliged. As Casanova would slide his hand up a new lover’s thigh and rest her ankle on his shoulder, so too, did Specialist Harrison. The long yellow electrical cord hung over his right shoulder, draped serpentinely down the hall, and plugged into a broken wall socket.
Then arose a click and a deep vibrating hum. As Harrison rocked the buffer back and forth, it throttled gently against the floor. With expert hands, he guided the buffer to penetrate deep into the surface of the tile. Oscillations ground and smothered the floor’s porous surface with glistening wax.
What began with gentle caresses reached a fever pitch as Harrison swung the buffer to and fro, lost in a hurricane of hot musk and wax. The air hung with noise, much akin to the din of pleasure screams emitted by Casanova’s numerous lovers.
Soon thereafter, Harrison threw a towel on the floor, walked outside to catch a smoke, then returned to the duty desk to answer phone calls.
None witnessed the affair except the gods of lust, the nymphs of the forest, and pictures of 4th Brigade’s chain of command. Harrison nodded knowingly, yet comfortingly, confident in his understanding of the nuances of love and buffing.