WASHINGTON, DC — A group of elderly veterans have stormed past the barricades of the World War II memorial and have taken a number of park rangers as Prisoners of War, sources confirmed.
The attack, now in its second day, included more than four busloads of veterans visiting from Mississippi on an “Honor Flight.” Group leader Elmer Lee told reporters he had called for reinforcements.
On Tuesday, after the initial assault into the site, Lee’s forces captured a number of park rangers, who they are still holding at cane-point. Sources confirmed that weeks prior to the attack, the park rangers received numerous intelligence intercepts that the invaders would storm into Arlington National Cemetery or the Washington Monument instead.
Park police set up barricades around numerous sites in the area to ward off any invaders involved in Operation: Wheelchair Garden. “We set up fixed defensive positions all over D.C.,” said Sgt. Alan Rommel of Capitol Police. “It was an impenetrable wall.”
Despite confidence in the defenses, the perimeter fell after a frontal assault from mechanized wheelchair infantry.
“We will get into this site and hold it whether these idiots like it or not,” said Lee, who sources confirmed had stormed the beaches of Anzio and Normandy, in addition to the doors of bingo night at the VFW on most weekends.
Citing the government shutdown, officials have maintained that they were “only following orders.”
Still, the group’s leader remains defiant and fears the possibility of high casualties. “We may just have to drop an atomic bomb on the memorial to win this war,” he told reporters.
In a related story, elderly veterans from Argentina were seen parachuting in over Washington, headed towards the Holocaust Museum.
Can you help us? We aren't some gigantic media corporation. Duffel Blog is literally just one guy editing a bunch of articles written by military contributors — all on a shoestring budget. If you love what we do, please donate a few bucks to keep our doors open. Even the smallest amount is a big help.