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First Women In History To Pass Infantry Training Pick Up Cigarette Butts, Mop Floors


CAMP GEIGER, NC — Just days after learning that four female Marines would be the first ever to complete Marine infantry training, sources confirmed they are picking up cigarette butts in the barracks parking lot.

The incredibly historic act — with the four Marines taking a knee occasionally and picking up trash on the ground — was confirmed by instructors at the School of Infantry (EAST).

“Yeah, they were picking shit up, just like every other boot-ass private here,” said Sgt. Nathan Hill, while pointing out a cigarette butt the Marines missed.”I think it’s great that they actually passed the training, but hey, excuse me, will ya?”

“Hey privates. Stop lolly-gagging around and pick up these fucking butts right goddamn now,” Hill said to the four, who were later seen doing other things junior enlisted Marines do, like reciting the annoying voice of their drill instructors, and talking on their cellphones right after a sergeant tells them not to.

Since passing the “grueling” training program, a photo of the four female Marines circulated worldwide to mark the historic milestone, and their newfound fame will certainly set them up for future success as barracks janitorial staff.

With all four at the lowest enlisted rank, they will be doing many historic things in the next few years: Mopping floors, cleaning up the 1st. Sgt.’s office, and being referred to as “fucking boot,” a term of endearment reserved only for highly-motivated Marines.

At press time, the four were grumbling about their follow-on training at their occupational specialty schools and having to work with a bunch of “dumbass pogues.”

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