CAMP LEJEUNE, NC — Enduring distrust and protests to serving in an all-male world, sources confirm that one of the first female Marines to graduate infantry training has already integrated into her infantry platoon better than her male counterparts.
After finishing check-in late Friday to Alpha Co, 1st Battalion 6th Marines wearing her dress blue uniform, Private First Class Rhonda “Thunderbeast” Williams went down to Honest Pierre’s Used Car Emporium and bought a hot pink Ford Mustang at 46 percent interest.
“That Mustang was a nice touch, and I have to admit I was impressed when I saw that thing roll into the lot before PT,” said Sgt. Miles Robinson, who immediately recognized the female Marine would fit in. “Its gold rims really made it stand out, not like all those chrome rims you usually see by the barracks.”
In an exclusive interview, Williams, a stocky brunette with close-cropped hair, talked to Duffel Blog about her experience joining an infantry company composed entirely of men.
“Well it wasn’t as hard as most people were telling me it would be,” she said, spitting out a steam of tobacco juice and cursing when it splashed on the edge of her boots. “I just walked in there and reported for duty. Some pencil-dicked lance corporal came up to me and asked if I had a field expedient tampon pouch, so I cranked him right in the mouth.”
“I don’t get periods anyway, so the insult was kind of stupid,” she added.
The final acceptance by the company came on Saturday night, when the entire unit went out in town. After consuming several dozen alcoholic beverages and getting a tattoo of ‘Death Before Dishonor’ on her entire back, Williams led her platoon into the Pink Flamingo, a local gentlemen’s club near the base. At the end of the evening she was seen leaving with a male waiter who she had been loudly hitting on all night.
On Monday, Williams had informed her chain of command she was getting married.
“That’s when I knew she was really one of us,” said company First Sgt. Joe Blumpton. “She really knows what it is to make a lifelong financial and emotional commitment to someone based on a single night of unprotected sex.”
Later that afternoon, Blumpton was overheard asking Williams if she could also pick up his wife after her shift at the Pink Flamingo, since he’d gotten a DUI and was unable to drive.
At press time, Williams had already received a DUI charge — one of the highest honors an infantryman can receive. She’s also being praised for “going above and beyond” on other charges, including three counts of domestic violence and one charge of impersonating an officer.