NORFOLK, VA — A U.S. Navy captain sitting down for his official photograph to be used on the command wall of the USS San Antonio (LPD-17) as well as his online biography is unaware it will also be used in hundreds of news stories when he’s fired for misconduct in the next couple of months, sources confirmed today.
Sources told Duffel Blog that Capt. Bob Seka, a career navy man who recently assumed command of the San Antonio, is utterly oblivious that his choice of whether to remain stoic or don a smile will be crucial to the perception of millions in the news-consuming audience that will be judging him when his career is completely ruined.
According to Navy investigators speaking on condition of anonymity, Seka will likely be relieved of command after possibly deciding to shoot a sexually explicit motivational video for his crew, being caught in a bribery scandal, or maybe even failing a physical fitness test.
“Alright sir, that looks really good,” said Mass Communications Specialist 3rd Class Philip Hernandez before photographing Seka. “Ok. Now give me your best ‘cover of Navy Times’ look.”
At press time, Seka was busy both finishing up some tweaks to the speech he’ll give upon assuming command of the San Antonio, as well as working on the rough draft of the letter he’ll submit to resign his commission.