THE COMPANY OFFICE — A complete and total fucking asshole that everyone wishes would just die already actually has a goddamned question at the end of the operations meeting we’ve been in for six fucking hours, sources confirmed today.
Responding to the battalion commander’s request for anyone to speak up “if they have any saved rounds,” sources confirm that piece of shit 1st Lt. Nathan Benjamin actually opened up his goddamn cum dumpster instead of keeping it shut so we could get out of this godforsaken room.
“Yeah sir, I just have a quick question,” Benjamin reportedly said, indicating he had a simple question but you know goddamn well it’s going to turn into some super-long bullshit that’s going to delay us another hour. “What’s your guidance on what to do if the main effort of the patrol comes under fire?”
Sources confirm that some in the room looked over at him and unfortunately were unsuccessful with trying to murder the lieutenant with their eyes, while others muttered, “Oh my fucking god, the QRF comes to the rescue, asshole!” under their breath.
“Well, lieutenant, that’s a good question,” said the battalion commander of what everyone in the room knows damn well was a totally shitty question. “As I said earlier, the QRF will be called up if things get a little too hairy.”
“Let’s pull up the route and possible points of enemy contact again just so we’re all on the same page,” said the battalion commander, before saying the same goddamn bullshit he said about two fucking hours ago.
At press time, multiple people in the room were seen in their daydreams pulling out nickel-plated .45 caliber pistols and shooting the lieutenant right in the fucking face because he needs to die right fucking now.
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