I Don't Know How To Tell You This, But I Sort Of, Um, Lost My Rifle
This is a guest column by the worst E-2 you've ever had.
So, I'm not sure how to tell you about this. I want to point out it's a totally fluke incident and not the kind of thing that normally happens to me.
Except for that time I failed to turn in the company SRP packets and caused a delay in our deployment.
Or when I ate nothing but pizza for six weeks and brought the company PT average down below 240. Sorry we didn't get the streamer for the guidon. Which reminds me of the time Chapman and I fell asleep in the CP, and 2nd Battalion stole our guidon and left it in the dumpster behind the DFAC. But maybe never mind about that.
Seriously, this is something totally out of character for me. Like the time in Fort Polk when I failed to engage the parking brake on the Humvee and it rolled into the porta-shitters, almost killing the sergeant major. I think that blue dye eventually washed out, though.
Those incidents are behind me. I've signed my counselings and have really been trying harder to b…
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