The following is a guest column written by your next SHARP case.
Hey man, have you seen Sgt. Jackson? She’s walking around the PLL office without her blouse on. She is so hot. I wonder…what kind of underwear do you think she’s wearing?
No, no, I’m not being gross. I’m just saying. What kind, do you think?
Maybe something hot, like, a black and pink lace bra with matching panties. Or boy shorts, those are hot too.
Imagine if she was, like, wearing a whole 1950s pinup-model getup under there. Like, stockings, garters, matching corset and, like, like, those old school granny panties, but hot. Ooh! And a fucking bunny tail. Like, a little fuzzball bunny tail like you see on Playmates in pictures from Hefner’s mansion.
She could be in Playboy herself. Did you see her at the organizational day before we deployed? Wearing those cutoffs and the cowboy hat? Holy shit, that ass. So fucking fine.
Or maybe it’s, like, minimalist. Maybe just, like, a thong. Wagner said he saw her picking up her laundry and she totally has a few thongs. So fucking hot. But, like, maybe just a thong and a simple sports bra.
It would have to be big, though, with lots of tensile strength. She’s got to have, like, easily F or G boobs. I heard from Wagner that Jimenez told him that Sergeant Jackson told her that she has to special-order her bras from Poland. That’s why she was able to convert dollars to zlotis so easily when those Polish guys were in here to buy our company coin. So she knows the exchange rate.
Cause of her boobs.
How fucking hot is that? Her tittays are so big she has to get them from fucking POLAND. That’s almost as far away as Europe.
Maybe something crazy, like, tearaway cups like strippers or Janet Jackson. With split-crotch panties. In a leopard print or maybe with something written on them, like, “Click to open” or “Lick it and stick it.” That would be awesome.
I wonder if she’s dating anybody. You know, I think she got divorced or something, right before we deployed. Or maybe she had a boyfriend and broke up with him. I forget what Wagner told me, but she’s single, I think. You think she’d go out with me?
Look at those lips. Fat and plump and juicy, good for wrapping around cylindrical items, if you get my drift. Good ol’ DSLs. Mmmm. Like Topanga in that show. I beat off to her so many times when I was a kid. Shit, I still do. I used to have a whole folder of Topanga’s head photoshopped onto naked chicks’ bodies that I would constantly beat off to. I lost it, though. I accidentally downloaded Hillary Clinton’s head on a naked chick, and in my disgust I mistakenly deleted the whole folder, even the good Topanga ones.
Fucking tragedy, man. Someday, like when I retire and I have the time, I’ll collect them all again. It’s my Rosebud.
Maybe…holy shit, dude, you know what just occurred to me? My high school girlfriend, Sarah Smith, remember, I told you about her? The one I fingered on the bus on the way back from District? Well, Sarah told me that her and her friends used to have this thing called “no panties Thursdays” where all the chicks in our grade didn’t wear panties on Thursdays.
My point: what if Sgt. Jackson IS NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR AT ALL?
I mean, she has to be wearing a bra, because come on. But what if she’s not wearing panties.
Holy shit, dude. Mind? Blown.
I should ask her out. I mean, she outranks me, but that didn’t stop Lt. McDonald over in the brigade S4 shop from dating that major, and now they’re married.
I just wonder what kind of underwear she’s wearing. Maybe it’s something really girly, like, polka dots or something with little cherries on it, or Hello Kitty.
Wagner told me that Dinkins said one time she forgot her robe and had to walk back from the shower trailer in just her towel. One of those tiny brown Army towels too, so it barely covered her ass. No shit, she walked right past him, like, trying to cover her ass with her hands. Holy shit, dude, I would give literally any amount of money to have been there.
Maybe if I go over to her desk, if she leans over, I could look down her…
Oh hey, First Sergeant. Ah, how long have you been there?
Check out After Action with Max & Paul, an awesome new podcast featuring the creators of Terminal Lance and Duffel Blog.