Department Of The Army Diagnosed With ADHD
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of the Army has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) after failing to find a mission it both likes and will stick with, doctors confirmed Tuesday.
After years of retooling because "counterinsurgency is all that matters," the Army abruptly launched a recent plan for a "Pacific pivot," much to the annoyance of the Department of the Navy.
"It's like he just saw how shiny and nice Thailand is and wanted to send troops there to get in trouble for murdering transexuals. Doesn't he already have enough soldiers in South Korea getting drunk and being arrested?" said the Department of the Navy.
Failing to get enough attention from the general U.S. populace and his weird Uncle Sam that may or may not have touched his budget in the closet, the Army decided to put more troops in Europe to prepare for a major land war that will "totally happen one day," according to the Army.
"Yeah, like Asia right? Nah, EUROPE! Yeah, I know we had to pul…
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