Deployment Speed Dating Clears Air, Speeds Rejections

CAMP VICTORY — A speed-dating event sponsored by the Female Service Member’s Roundtable was held Tuesday at the MWR tent.

“Many people were surprised that the Female Service Member Roundtable would sponsor this, since on the surface it seemed to encourage dating,” said Gunnery Sgt. Rebecca Landau, Roundtable President. “The idea was exactly the opposite. We knew that every single male service member knew who the six single servicewomen were. This way they can all try their luck at one time, freeing up considerable time and effort.”

The popular event attracted 1,380 single male servicemen — representing every branch of the service, civilians and local nationals — and six females.

“It used to be so stressful telling all my guy friends and co-workers that I wasn’t interested in them,” said Sr. Airman Jessica Weston, the most attractive of the six women. “I would think that they were friends or wanted to mentor me, and then I’d have to reject them. It was emotionally draining. Now I just turned down 900 guys in under an hour. It was so efficient. I might be able to go to the gym this week without anyone offering to show me the correct way to squat.”

Male service members were also happy to get the time back into their day.

“I’d spent a lot of time debating which of the single girls to hit on here,” said Sgt. Caleb Drumm, a cavalry scout who participated in the inaugural event. “Now I know that only one of them would have talked to me in anything but a professional context. I think it might be my oversized pores. I guess I’ll just play video games now.”

1st Lt. Grace Lipscomb used her table to rank the male officers.

“I have an Order of Merit List now,” said Lipscomb. “I posted it in the Wardroom, and it really cut down on rumors.  Now it’s crystal clear that if someone sees me with a SeaBee one week and a Marine the next, it’s not that I’m dating around, it’s that someone’s packet got kicked back and I’m moving down the list. It’s streamlined and effective.”

Petty Officer 3rd Class Edgar Pfeffer didn’t make any woman’s list, but still enjoyed the event.

“I got to talk to three ladies!” Pfeiffer said. “That’s more than this whole deployment combined, and none of them worked at the Exchange.”