GREAT LAKES, Ill. — Navy’s Recruit Training Command (RTC) has launched a pilot program to give incoming recruits tablet computers to prepare them for working on electronics from the 1970s.
“This is a great moment for our Navy,” Master Chief Petty Officer of the Navy Mike Stevens said as he handed out the first tablets to new recruits. “This is a cost effective way to replace the two books we issue at boot camp and it will also streamline the training process so recruits can spend more time folding clothes.”
In a demonstration for reporters, Stevens showed off several games the tablets would have pre-loaded.
“One of my favorite games is called ‘Gray Blaster,’ where players are ordered to paint over chipped paint, then told to scrape off the old paint that’s under a wet coat of fresh paint, then they are yelled at for doing a bad paint job. There is also a game designed to teach sailors the perils of human trafficking.”
“Most of our electronic equipment was designed back in the 1970s,” Stevens said. “So buying tablet computers for our recruits is a great way to teach the Navy’s way of wasting tax money through bad ideas. Sailors with tablets in the fleet will be able to take advantage of the fast wireless internet onboard all Navy vessels.”
Sources later told Duffel Blog that after two days, tech-savvy recruits had already bypassed parental block settings and began an “electronic black market” among divisions. The going rate for a female’s topless selfie was two snicker bars while dick pics had no market value because the female recruits were sent hundreds on a daily basis.