Army Print Shop Training Accident Turns Deadly
HINESVILLE, Ga. — An incident which claimed the lives of 13 senior Army enlisted personnel has been declared a training accident, Fort Stewart Public Affairs Officers confirmed today, after fake "STAY ON THE GRASS!" signs were accidentally distributed and posted around the sprawling Army base yesterday.
While training new staff members to design and print base signage, the Fort Stewart Print Shop created dozens of the "stay on" signs as an attempt at a humorous practical exercise. Ordinarily, the shop creates signs directing pedestrians to "stay off" the grass.
Although the signs were never intended for distribution, according to Army CID investigators, they were misfiled and accidentally posted earlier this week.
"As a result," according to Kevin Larson, Fort Stewart spokesman, "nine sergeants major suffered brain aneurysms, three company first sergeants suffered major heart attacks, and one command sergeant major's head literally exploded," or thirteen fatalities within a 48-hour span.…
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