HERAT, Afghanistan — Afghan Army Pvt. Abdullah Naiz, a Kunduz native, is dreading the next serving of ball-busting he’s going to get when he comes into work tomorrow, sources within the Afghan National Army 207th Corps report.
Ever since Kunduz was overrun by the Taliban, sources say the guys around the barracks will not stop wrestling Naiz’s jimmies about being from “Quitterstan,” or offering him “two tickets to Pussy Town.”
“It started the other day at PT,” whimpered Naiz. “We were doing a formation run, and a bunch of the guys broke out of formation with their hands in the air in surrender yelling, ‘Look, Abdullah, I’m from Kunduz! I can’t get overrun fast enough.’ One even brought a white tube sock to wave as a surrender flag. I laughed a little bit to show I can take the joke, but that’s not funny. We don’t have a lot of socks around here and they’re not toys.”
Cpl. Wahid Nazami was seen wandering around the barracks with a sheet covering him from head to toe attempting to interrupt Naiz’s interview.
“Oh, look, I’m Abdullah’s mom and I looooooove the new burqa that the Taliban is making me wear.”
“I’m not laughing,” said Abdullah. “Wahid knows that my mom already wears a burqa because she’s a good Muslim woman. Not like his mom, who would walk around in a hajib and talk to men she’s not related to.”
“I’m getting so sick of their stupid jokes,” said Abdullah, volunteering to inventory PK machine gun parts to get out of regularly scheduled training.
“My leave back to Kunduz for Hijra just got cancelled. This is serious.”
Check out After Action with Max & Paul, an awesome new podcast featuring the creators of Terminal Lance and Duffel Blog.